Dear Diary

......

2008-02-17T21:36:00.002+08:00

I cnt seem to find the right title for today's entry.
There are so many things running through my mind... but mostly of how lucky I am to have MM in my life.
I have to admit in these last couple of months we've not spent any time with each other at all; mostly due to his busy and hectic shedule.. to top tht off the passing away of his nanaji and auntyji adds on to this.
However in the last 3 days he's made up for all of those months ..... its amazing how he makes me feel.... hehehehehehe i feel like im in love all over again :D

Here's a song dedicated to him :

Tum Saawaan Mein Pyaas Piyaa... Pyaas Bhujade Aaah Paas Piyaaaaa

Ages....

2008-01-26T19:20:00.000+08:00

God it feels like forever since i've blogged ! I guess I've been busier than I thought.
So much has happened since I last blogged... I graduated, I started working with Maybank well I'll try and update whenever possible ...

To my Horror

2007-05-29T16:29:00.000+08:00

While relaxing in my office today, during lunch hour sipping on my cheapo lassi from the mamak's downstairs, I had a shock of my life when i received a call from V. Apprently he was looking for my boss who was out for lunch. Sigh it feels weird talking him after a year. Neways... long story short. I'd like to see how he faces me in public after doing what he has to me over a period of time. Time for REVENGE :D and trust me it's really sweet :D

A New Journey

2007-05-20T21:30:00.000+08:00

Finally the time has arrived, for me to embark on a whole new journey, to be exposed to a whole new life, to finally be independent.
I have been accepted as an intern at the IPRM (Institute of Public Relations Malaysia) ; for many it may not be a big deal; but to me it is going to be a life changing experience. My internship position begins tomorrow and will end on the 20th July 2007. After which I'll be attending my graduation ceremony in LimKokWing on the 28th of July 2007.
I can hardly believe I've finally left University and am on the way of becoming an executive at a PR firm , or whereever else life takes me.
Well here's to a new and better tomorrow. Wish me luck guys, and keep a look out for more updates. Till than take care :)

Updates...

2007-04-25T22:52:00.000+08:00

I know ive been missing for a very long time now; but it's all due to the fact that I've been busy with Uni and also handing in my resume to companies. I swear its not easy when it comes to deciding where to send my resume's too and which offer i should take. So far I've settled for IPRM , hopefully I'll get a call from them soon.
Apart from that, things are going excellent between me and M.M . Early this month he had a package delivered to me. In it contained things that I really really love.

1) A gorgeous fusia pink and blue material that was embroided nicely on the top

2) A miniature frame of Guru Nanak and the other Guru's

3) Bangles

4) 4-5 Packet of Bindi's

5) Lipstick case

6) Packets and Packets of Masala Chai (Tea)

7) Sweets

All in it was a surprise for me as I was expecting to receive a card only. Heh! I love suprises especially ones like these :D Last week I spoke to his mom and thanked her for the stuff, and it would seem that things are headed in the right direction and with the grace of GOD it should all go well.
On another note, Kiran is back in Malaysia for 4 months, and her 1 month is already up... guwe're looking forward to our trip to Penang which is in the planning stages right now; if all goes well we will be leaving on the 15th of May.
I've got a good week to go before I officially finish Uni. I have a final exam on the 12th May which I'm assuming I'll do okie, just as long as I remember my PR theories.
So that's the latest update. I may not be be able to update this site for sometime due to my hectic schedule but I'll promise to keep you guys updated as an when things happen. Ta'

Photographs of my Home ...

2007-03-12T02:47:00.000+08:00

Mom Watching TV in our Home.

My Room

Parents Room

View of Dining

Living Room

Living Room 1

Eternity...

2007-03-12T02:27:00.000+08:00

It feels like forever since I've last blogged about anything... more so when it comes to issues that are a close to my heart.

When I look back, I don't quite see the old me anymore... with the passing time that person has somehow vanished and evaporated into thin air.

Not many realise I've been in a relationship for close to 9 months now; and those who do realise that fact have made it a promise to keep it silent.

However , today I feel like talking about him.. I've mentioned him in previous posts but I've never got around to talking about him in the open... but today I'll take the first step in attempt to let the world have a peek at my husband-to-be.

As mentioned, we met some 9 months ago, this happened when the last thing I was looking for was to be in a relationship. I had just been through a horrible expreice with V (who by the way is getting married this coming saturday). Manu Mehta was truly a friend when we'd first met... he'd seen me in my worst possible state of depression... and he transformed me into what I am today. He saw the potentials in me, and he gave me the strength to believe I was capable of achieving anything and everything that I desired.

I never really understood what we shared, except of course that we were really close.... he seemed to have understood my thoughts, my fears and my desires...

When we both realised where our friendship had taken us too, neither of us were able to understand how it'd happen... at times the both of us sit and talk, and when we look back both of us cant seem to think how and when it happened; but we both know it did.

Reena was probably the first person who knew, she was skeptical then ;very might I add. Over the period of time he somehow managed to get on the good side of Reena (who isnt that sketpical anymore), I realised he was serious about our relationship when he first spoke to my mother. No guy I'd ever known or been in a relationship was ever ready to speak to my mom.

We're hoping to be engaged sometime around this year , having the blessings of both our parents ... my parents feel he's right for me.. and I know he's right for me ..

There isnt a particular reason for this posting apart from wanting to take the first step in introducing my boyfriend. I'm just allowing my thoughts to flow onto this platform...

Shona, I know its a tad bit early ... but Happy Anniversary :)

Valentines.

2007-02-15T03:19:00.000+08:00

I believe it was last year , when I had blogged about Valentines day and its importance. Back thn it did not mean much to me ; because I never felt the need to have any attachment to the event; perhaps because often times valentines was associated with love and that special someone. This year however, Valentines was indeed a day that ill remember. Receiving ecards from him throught out the day was somewhat surprising, because I know my bf does not believe in valentines , nor does he like the idea of ecards. Soo yes; it was indeed a huge surprise to see ecards flowing in keeping in mind the card that was travelling from gurgaon to kl. :D Jaana ... i know this is comes a lil belated lekin happy valentines day...

Streamyx or Screamyx ? TM Net or TM Nut ?

2007-01-28T23:17:00.000+08:00

Until recently, I hadn't been aware of the f***ed Up internet service. Upon doing some online research, and having cracked my head with my the speed. I realised that all P2P were blocked!!!! I wasnt getting connected to my P2P softwares like Utorrent or Limewire. Even downloading from http sites were becoming a hassle. Bleah! I feel like screaming but I cant. Scared after sued for defamation :-s sighh...

Responsible Journalism?

2007-01-28T22:49:00.000+08:00

Much has been said about Jeff Oii of Screenshots < http://jeffooi.com/ > and Rocky's Bru blog recently in the main stream media. I am puzzled about what is actually defined as responsible journalism? In my opinion , responsible journalism is when one is honest about what he/she is reporting. Being an undergrad who is majoring in Journalism, I have understood during my study period what it takes to be a journalist. Journalist are to be objective when reporting, there should not be any malice or malicious statements made in their reporting. It is rather unfair that statements are being made about bloggers since the Jeff Ooi incident.
Whatever happened to freedom of speech? I realise that freedom of speech comes with a lot of responsibility and independent journalist i.e bloggers do write from their own point of view. All said and done.

This is an expert from <http://walkwithus.wordpress.com/>

" Speaking later, Abdullah said the government would not censor bloggers but they had to be responsible and that they could be subject to defamation, sedition and other laws"

Which brings me back to my question, WHAT IS RESPONSIBLE BLOGGING or RESPONSIBLE JOURNALISM?
How are bloggers, particularly Jeff Ooi and Rocky Bru not being responsible for what they write? They attribute the information that write, they show evidence of their findings, they give an un-biased report allowing readers to form an opinion of their own.
As I write this entry , I am afraid of being sued for defamation as well... hence I shall not go on further, for the fear of being sued by the Malaysian Government for defamation. All this has definitely left a bitter taste to blogging.

Home is Where We Belong

2007-01-20T09:58:00.000+08:00

Home...
A word that I've been dying to use. Eversince I've learnt its meaning and the importance of it in; I've began to treassure everything about a home. During the last few months, Mama and I have been busy running around and getting things done for the apartment. From meeting the contractors on a daily basis to ensure nothing goes wrong and everything is done accordingly; to getting the fixtures and lightings done. Yesterday, the furniture finally arrived ... well most of the furniture, what's left is the sofa set and two side tables along with the coffee table, which would most probably be delivered next month.
I felt a sense of pride, as I saw a house being transformed into what I call Home. Plain white walls, coated with soft pastel browns, empty ceilings being changed into plastered ceilings with loads and loads of lights. A rather ugly looking kitchen, into an area that will prepare probably the best meals ever served on earth, mama's cooking :).
The master bedroom, which papa and mama have decided I should take, considering the fact that I'd have to share my room with a guest(s) or move to the hall. The room has been coated with a rather earthly colour "morrocan mint" on the feature wall. Indian paintings will hang above my bed, to symbolise my love for indian culture and deco-arts.

I present to you our home, my family belongs...

Him

2007-01-18T01:20:00.000+08:00

There was once a time when I used to be really depressed. I felt like I would never meet the right one in life, that I wasn't destined for love. Indeed the phase was horrible. To make things worst, my friends were settling down in life; some getting engaged, others planning their wedding and me ? I was just waiting and watching as they got busy with the next step in their life.
I was on a frantic search to find the 'right one', thinking every guy that came into my life could be the one for me, and often times I would end up hurt. During this trying period, Reena kept telling me, He will come when the time is right, and it will happen when you least expect it. You wont even realise.
Then I met Him, at first I never realised what it was , I knew that he understood me, I didnt have to say anything to him, but yet he understood everything without me saything anything. He comforted my fears, he made me evaluate things in a diff perspective. He made me see logic and reason to things , even when I was stubborn enough in wanting to believe I was right.
That was 7 months ago, and today I'm glad he came into my life when I least expected him too. Because I found my life partner in him. He knows who he is, and so do the people in my life who matter to me the most...

I love you Shona ....

2007-01-18T01:02:00.000+08:00

Bin Tere Kya Hai Jeena

Meri Dil Ki Rani Tum

Meri Khusiyon Ka Mausam

Mere Khawabon Ki Tabeer

Mere Sapno Ki Tasveer

Bin Teri Kaisi Yaar

Woh Jeet Ho Yan Haar

Tere Saang Hai Saab Kuch

Tu Na Ho Toh Bekaar

Bin Tere Kya Hai Jeena

Sunni Khaali Raatein

Rukhi Pekhi Baatein

Haar Aahat Peh Chaukuh

Tujhko Har Su Dekhun

Tujhko Har Dam Sochun

Tujhko Har Paal Chaahun

Tere Bin Toh Jeevan Mera Hai Intezaar

Bin Tere Kya Hai Jeena

Tere Saath Jeeyen Jo Pal

Kuch Unseh Nahin Badhker

Teri Khaatir Saas Mein Luh

Teri Khaatir Jeeta Hun

Marne Ki Tammana Bhi

Tere Saath Mein Rakhta Hun

Tuh Hai Jeene Ki Vajaah

Kaar Mera Aaetebaar

Bin Tere Kya Hai Jeena

Irresponsible...

2007-01-15T12:13:00.000+08:00

Lately, I've been told quite a number of times by a certain person that I am Irresponsible. Now from the looks of it, I do not think I am Irresponsible; it just happens that at times I am not able to turn up for something or do something according to that person's desires. It actually hurts that someone can actually have a label on me. One that I dont quite deserve. There are times when I wish I could kill myself before someone labeled me to be irresponsible.

Layout

2007-01-06T00:54:00.000+08:00

It's almost customary for me to change my blog template and layout every 6 months or so ... this time around I decided to go for something suttle, I guess I am getting a lil too old for those bold colours ... hope you like the new layout. Let me know what you think.

2006 in a nutshell

2007-01-05T01:09:00.000+08:00

When I reflect back on 2006, there is nothing but good memories.... mostly because I didnt have any expectations from life, nor did i set any goals for myself... I simply let GOD do HIS work... and Im trully happy with the results... Lets walk down memory lane together as I go through the events...

January :

Nothing out of the usuall happened ... was still feeling shitty about the hse being sold, and having to move in with grandparents ...

Febuary :

Roopy came to KL, had a blast.... Saw someone I didnt really need to see , but what the heck I realised then that some ppl were a waste of my precious time.
Said goodbye to my friends who were flying off to Murdoch without me.

March :

Moved into PJ with grandparents ...

April :

Found out that a certain someone was getting engaged ....

May :

Learnt alot about accepting me for myself, learnt alot about accepting who I was , and why I was the way I am.
It was a turning point in Life...

June :

Met Him, what started off as a friendship; grew into something bigger and stronger without either one of us realising it, what was to be a " lets see how it goes" turned into "i dont wanna be without you" situation

July :

Ventured into my Final year at LUCT, expirenced many things like staying on my own and being independant....

August :

He flew off to Bangladesh for his project, probably a trying period in both our lives , nevertheless had alot on my mind especially Uni

September :

Nothing really great happened, Uncle flew in from Australia for a couple of days.

October :

He goes back to Delhi for Diwali, a surprise for his mom, and me .... we spend a good amount of time together. Works becomes hectic especially with assignments and presentations...

November :

He's back in Bangladesh, and Im running out of time, too much to study, too little time ... Final exams pressure mounting up.

December :

Reunited with someone special , after an absense of 13 years...
He returned home earlier than expected, my exam results are out ... I excelled with flying colours...

_______________________________________________________________

Life in 2006 was good, I could not have asked for a better year.

Updates.

2006-11-24T16:47:00.000+08:00

Life has been hectic over the past few months ... with exams and the semester ending and what not; ence the lack of updates. GOD has been truly good to me in the last 6 months . We finally got our keys to the apartment about 2 weeks back, and right now we're in the midst of getting in done up here and there. On relationship issues, with the grace of GOD its been the best 5 months of my life , everyday unfolds a new chapter ; allowing the both of us to understand each other ...

3 months on...

2006-09-25T13:45:00.000+08:00

and life has never been better. Uni, although hectic; is progressing in the right direction. At least I hope so.
Everything in my life seems to be turning out perfectly for a change. Met someone; who seems interested in me, and its been 3 excllent months; thou he's in Bangladesh now for a project. He'll be back soon :D , mom is okie with the idea of him being in my life, Reena is skeptical but I know she only wants the best for me.
My home is just about complete, should be getting the keys within a couple of days, took the liberty to take some photographs yesterday when we went to view our apartment. Will include the pics here.
I'm not complaining anymore, maybe because I am finally happy with alot of things; and I pray it never ends.

Photographs of my HOME :D

Long Route

2006-07-30T00:16:00.000+08:00

When I look back, it seems like an eternity... I have had to endure many obstacles in life to get where I am today, I have failed many-a-times, disappointed my parents far too often during this period of time, yet today when I look at it from a distance I realize that I have grown in many ways.
For me , getting a scholarship from Limkokwing University of Creative Technology was possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me, I once remembered mom telling me "look at ****** she got a scholarship, look at ***** she's so perfect , don't know when I'll be able to be proud of you" and all of this would make me wonder if its true, that I'd never make her proud.. Today I can safely say in many ways I have.. I now live independent alone in Cyberjaya, something that I had never expected myself to do. I secured myself a scholarship, and above and beyond all I have 9 months (6 months + 3 months internship) before I graduate with my Bachelors in Communications majoring in Journalism and Public Relations from Curtin University of Technology.

A new life ...

2006-07-23T16:01:00.000+08:00

Applogies up front for not having blogged over a period of time here, to friends who dilligently continued to view this blog and ask me on updates, i applogise for not having done so.
Today I begin my new life in the hostel, indeed its been something I have been looking forward too ... away from it all; mostly from that wicked grandmother of mine who has made my life a living nightmare for a good 5 months or so.
Limkokwing Uni itself is pretty kewl, it gives me the feeling of achievement. One look at the building from afar makes you feel in awe .. what more when you're in the campus itself.
My hostel/condo is 5km from the uni itself its called Desaria Villa Condo, I got the master room and converted it into single... knowing my habbit of not wanting to share bathrooms ... however due to some unforseen circumstances i have to for the time being share the bathroom coz my bathroom is being repaired for god knows what reason.
It's 11.45pm and I shall have to sleep soon ...my bus to uni leaves at 8.30 and i have to wake up mch earlier to have my shower....

Note!

2006-06-05T22:27:00.000+08:00

Hence forth this blog will only be used for general stuff... personal rants involving feelings, breakup's , fuckup's will no longer be posted here.
The important people in my life will be notified with the new URL.

-jagdeep senghera-

practise what you preech...

2006-06-05T16:32:00.000+08:00

hmmm ...
after much contemplation i decided to post my thoughts on issues that have been on my mind for a couple of days.
they say that first impressions make a lasting one. I dont know how much of a first impression i give a person in reality..
bt virtually people seem to think im everything they'd want in a girl.... but when they meet me in person, something else tends to take place.
now here is what i am wondering about . what do guys look for in a girl ? why do talk about witty and intelligent , when perhaps its the last thing on their mind. im confused :-s as hell....
why cant guys practise what they preech...
be honest and say whats on ure mind, rather then tryin to prove to be different when in reality ur only goona make ure self look horrible..
im yet to meet a guy who means what says and says what he means ... maybe H , he was the only person who saw me for me ... that's why we still share a bond that can never be broken... thou he's soon to be engaged... he will forever remain in my heart and soul .. for seeing me as me and loving me for the crazy stupid tihngs i did then ... i know he still loves me, we'll always love each other ... that's a given. Coz no other guy in the world would call me up at 4 am just to tell me he loves me and goes back to sleep.

Random Thoughts

2006-05-21T16:35:00.000+08:00

What if Shakespere were right?
That all of the World is the Stage, and the people are mere actors.Each playing its role while HE who the world addresses(sp?) as GOD is the director if the World's play.
Isn't it ironic how when one studies numerology and astrology they at one point or another explain the individuals that we are or certain traits through the date/time/ place of our birth and true the name we've been given at birth.
If these data's make up the answers we attain through astrology and numeorology , that would you agree that we were born to receive that name.
The traits that we accquire is based on the name we've been given?
It sound's mind boggling and perhaps does not make much sense to those who do not beleive in destiny.
I was sitting the other day and it suddenly occured to me ....
Do a little test on your own.
Log on to this http://aryabhatt.com and register for it, look at the different reading you can attain. It may no have to be 100% accurate or it need not have to apply directly to you. But you may be amazed at what you gather , just as what I gathred through mine.

an excerpt of my prediction:

This child was born in the first part of Punarvasu Constellation. Her birth sign is Gemini and her sign lord is Mercury. According to the Constellation, she belongs to Gana Deva, Marjar Yoni, Marjar Varga, Adya Nadi and Shoodra Varna. According to the part of the Constellation, her name should start with 'ke' as in Keshar Singh, Keval Kumar etc. She will be a very quiet and peaceful person. Her patient nature will prevent her from panicking in a troublesome situation. It will enable her to face them with courage and confidence. She will be very popular in society and will never lack wealth, prosperity or luxuries.

Busy bee me

2006-05-21T15:50:00.000+08:00

First off, I must applogise for not having bloged for the past week. Recent events left me a little unable to do much.

On Monday, I got into an accident on my way back from Uni.

How it happened?
I was driving back to grandma's place ... and I usually avoid using the Seksyen 16 road back because of the horrible jam. Somehow on Monday I took to the Seksyen 16 road thinking that classes had ended earlier then usual and I could beat the Jam.
Driving through the curvy raod along Seksyen 16, a Gen 2 in front of me brake'd and I followed in suit, not keeping my distance from the Gen 2. When out of no where , a Proton Wira hit the back of my car.. When I finally realized what had happened, and got out of the car .. I realized that there were 5 other cars involved.
The guy who hit my car was applogetic enough, and he explained that he had braked in time , but it was the car behind him that knocked into his car.
All said and done, the car suffered quite abit of damage which is now in the workshop being repaired. Estimated cost RM1500. Thank god for insurance and 3rd party claim.
Me? I suffered a somewhat serious concussion, was in a daze for a couple of days while running aronud and getting things sorted out since dad had fractured his wrist. It was upto me to get things sorted out.

To top that off, I've got my finals coming up.
I've got two assignments to hand in on Monday and Wednesday plus Journalism exam on Wednesday morning.
I've managed to cope with all of it with the grace of Waheguru. It's amazing how I am still able to do everything while being under so much stress. I guess I have learnt over the time to juggle things, knowing that I am responsible for mom and dad.

I better get back to my politics paper! still have about 1200 words to go , so far Mrs Tan said I am on the right track , I just need to add in a few more theories from the reader. I guess that's about all the update for now...

Oh I think my cycst may have grown again , been having this giddy spells and sharp pulls on my right ovary. Cant' get it checked now coz of all the exams. Will get it checked before I go off to Cyberjaya!

Update

2006-05-15T10:39:00.000+08:00

Ok post birthday entry.

Dad got into an accident, nothing major but still for his age it didnt seem really good. He fractured and dislocated his wrist bone. Good thing is he'll be able to get all the rest he needs, bad thing is he's being grumpy about everything *bleah*

With all of this, I managed to finish my media campaign *pats my self on the head* yeap yeap after weeks of slogging and no proper sleep , finally handed it in on Saturday. With that handed in, I've got my Media , Politics and Public Life 2nd assignment due and also Priniciples of Journalism's feature story. *bleah* Good thing? My last 2 assignments will be done by the 22nd of May *YIPPPIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE* Bad thing? I'm goona miss KDU and everything about it ... I can hardly believe I'm almost done in KDU.

Wicked witch of the West, East,North and South a.k.a my grandmother is being a major major major pain (nothing new) hehehehe. I'm just waiting for the apartment to complete which should be done in about 3 months *counts finger May- August * yeap yeap correct 3 months ...

Menu has been sending me the wedding pictures... its really fantastic to see Melin all dressed up .. sad bit we werent there :( oh well ... at least she had the most important people in her life with her .. her family and grandmothers.

Saturday went out with Reena ... went to maam maam BURGER KING!! :D hehehe me had french chicken. Swear to GOD that is as close as I can ever get to heaven :D and I also had COKEEEEEEE oops I know nt supposed to but hehehehehehehehe I deserve a teeny weeny treat right ? *yeap yeap thought so too :P *

Okie dokie ... me off to class now ... getting my 2nd assignment back for Principles of Journalism. I am praying really really hard that I didnt fail the paper. Oh year Should be getting Media Audiences 1st assignment back as well... I am shit scared about how that turned out ... Beth may fail me :( I pray she doesnt thou. I put in a lot of hard work for that paper... in fact I've put in a lot of hard work for all my papers this semester. Should I fail any .. I'd be a wreck!!!!

Ta'!

I turned 25 ..

2006-05-08T12:12:00.000+08:00

yes ... today I am 25 , so happy birthday to me! hehehe .. this year's birthday was different, no not in the bad sense different .. despite the arguments with mom last week, my birthday turned out to be more then what i had expected it to be. Considering the fact that i'd be busy today and dad gets back rather late from work, mom and dad had decided that they'd take me out for dinner yesterday rather then today. After 6 years i went to fatty crab! hehehe and i loved it !!! enjoying every bit of the hot and sour crabs :)) , chicken wings :))) , fried rice :) , anddddd COKE :)))))) !!!! HEHEHEHEHE . I also purchased a DVD which i intend to watch later on :P .
After dinner , while walking in tmn megah pasar malam i came accross this stall that sells car accesories and mom and dad knew i was going to stop there because i'd seen what i'd been looking for all along PATRICK CAR ACCESORRIES AT CHEAP PRICE :D :D . So I spent a lil bit of the 100 ringgit daddy gave me for my birthday :P , and got myself a pair of PATRICK seat belt covers with a slot to put phone in and also PATRICK cushion for the front seat :D :D :D !!! i wanted to get the whole set,but then mom said it wudnt look nice, so i didnt get the extra patrick stuff.

When i got online i'd received friendster testimonials and also messages from close friends :) at sharp 12 airin called from perth to wish me , i was trully touched .. never in a gazzilion years did i expect her to remember my birthday , we spoke for abit .. while talking to her Prema messaged me on MSN wishing me ... as soon as I'd put the phone down on Airin(airin i misss juuuuuuu) , Gupz called ! hahaha i never thot he'd remember .. well he did asking me wht i wanted .. i tld him to go figure it out wakakkaakaka .... the entire today ive been getting text msg's after text msg's ... REENA on the other hand made me smile the entire day hehehehehe coz i'd received about 4 cards plus countless online messages wishing me :D mwahsssssss reena i lub ju!!!!!!!!

Since i didnt want a birthday cake this year, dad brought back a small packet of barfi mch to my surprise ... so yes overall this year has brought me alot of joy .. because i wasnt expecting anything .. instead i got calls and messages from everyone dear and near .. including the wicked witch who pretended she'd remembered but forgot this morning how lame :P , bt i got 10 ringgit (nothing new ... 25 years down the line and i still get 10 ringgit :P , nanaji also gave me 10 ringgit :D :D :D :D :D )
So im rich! and Im happy coz ... meeeeeeeeeeeeeee got so many ppl who remember me burfday!!!! :D yippie dippie dooo!!

(from now on, i shall try to behave like a 25 year old instead of seven) ahem ^-^ *cough cough*

THE GROWN UP LADY SHALL SAY GOOD BYE NOW AND GO ENJOY HER KICAP CHICKEN WITH POTATO made by her mummy for her on her burfday!

Frustration.. A Letter to my MOTHER!

2006-05-03T20:26:00.000+08:00

No matter how much I try to do things right, I seem to just fail almost as if I've own the title of being a failure.
What was so wrong if I had wanted to go out with reena, and I did not want her to get that stare from nani just like the stare that she gave aunty bansi yesterday?!?
Reena is the only person who has been a true friend to me; she's done nothing but be there for me in all my times of needs! even when you turned your back on me and said "I WANT MY HOUSE BACK, CAN YOU GET IT BACK FOR ME?" Ive done everything I can to prove that i have changed and that I no longer am the same person, yet everyday of my life you remind me that I HAVE TO BARE ALL THAT HAPPENS BECAUSE I PUT YOU HERE! HOW MANY TIMES IN A DAY DO I HAVE TO BE REMINDED THAT I TOOK URE HOUSE FROM YOU, YOU NEED NOT EMPHASISE ON THE OBVIOUS! I KNOW I TOOK YOUR HOUSE, I KNOW I AM A LEECH AT THE AGE OF 25 YOU DONT HAVE TO REMIND ME DAILY! YOU DONT HAVE TO ASK FOR A BREAKDOWN OF MY SPENDINGS AND REMIND ME THAT IM DEPENDANT! YOU DONT HAVE TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A FAILURE BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW I AM! I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS FACT ALL MY LIFE! DONT YOU THINK IT ALREADY TORTURES ME ENOUGH?!?? WHY DO YOU NEED TO TORTURE ME MORE ? I GET SYNICAL STARES FROM YOUR MOTHER EVERYDAY! I KNOW SHE HATES ME! SHE TORMENTS ME WITH HORRIBLE WORDS EVERYDAY! SHE REMINDS ME THAT THIS IS NOT MY HOUSE ! I KNOW THIS ISNT MY HOUSE ! I KNOW I HAVE NO HOME! I KNOW I HAVE NO ONE!!!! HOW COULD YOU HAVE TURNED AROUND AND MADE ME LOOK SELFISH FOR SAYING THAT SHOULD SOMETHING HAPPEN TO YOU I WOULD HAVE NO ONE AND I WOULD BE ALONE AND I WOULD DIE WITH YOU... HW COULD YOU!!!! YOU TURNED MY LOVE INTO A SELF NEED OF MINE, YES I NEED YOU ! YOU'RE MY MOTHER FOR GOD DAMN SAKE! WHEN WILL YOU UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS?? WHEN WILL YOU ACCEPT ME FOR ME?? WHEN WILL YOU SEE IM NOT PERFECT BUT IM TRYING SO HARD TO BE !!!! MY BIRTHDAY IS NOT SPECIAL IT WILL NEVER BE! EVERY YEAR AS MY BIRTHDAY APPROACHES INSTEAD OF A CAKE I GET WORDS THAT HAUNT ME FORTHE REST OF THE YEAR, INSTEAD OF GIFTS I GET ABUSALS THAT LAST A LIFETIME IN MY MIND! I DO NOT FORGET THINGS EASILY, IT MAY APPEAR THAT I AM A HAPPY GO LUCK PERSON BUT I AM NOT! WHATEVER IS SAID TO ME REMAINS IN MY HEART FOREVER ! I TEND NOT TO REACT TO IT AFTRE 5 MINUTES BUT IT DOESNT MEAN IVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT ! EVERYDAY YOU REMIND ME A HARSH REALITY THAT IVE TAKEN YOUR HOUSE AWAY! I DONT NEED TO BE REMINDED ABOUT THAT! YOU ADD SALT TO MY UNHEALED WOUND EVERYDAY! I NEVER ONCE SAID I DID NOT WANT TO PICK PAPA UP! NEVER ONCE! I NEVER SAID THIS CAR WAS MINE EITHER! NOR HAVE I EVER GIVEN YOU A REASON TO TAKE A CAB FOR ANY OF UR APPOINMENTS! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT I FIND EXCUSES NOT TO TAKE YOU AND PAPA ANYWHERE ?!? YOU TOLD ME PETROL IS NOT WATER! SO U CANNOT AFFORD TO LET ME PICK PAPA UP FROM SHOP! I OFFERED TO PICK HIM UP FROM THE BUS STOP BUT U TOLD ME I WOUDNT KNOW WHERE HE GETS DOWN AND WHT TIME HE GETS DOWN! SO HOW IN THE WORLD CAN YOU HOLD ME RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!?!?!?! HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME TO THIS EXTEND ?!? HOW DARE YOU MOTHER CALL ME A BARKING BITCH RIGHT ON MY FACE!!!! I HATE YOUR MOTHER AND SHOULD A DAY COME THAT SHE LIFTS HER HAND ON ME , DONT BE SURPRISED OF WHAT SHE MAY RECEIVE IN RETURN! IVE TOLERATED HER ABUSE AND SARASTIC REMARKS TOWARDS ME FOR 60 DAYS! 60 TORTURES DAYS!

A peek at my past , an Understanding of my Present.. with no clue of the Future.

2006-05-01T16:00:00.000+08:00

In a week , the number 24 that has been asscoiated with me for the last 365 days will bid farewell; ushering in a new number to mark its presence allowing me to realize that I am now a year older. As the days past my subconscious mind will go back to a past; one that has haunted me since the tender age of 13.

Years have passed since then but the questions that have been imprinted in my heart and soul is yet to be answered. I understand that the beginning of my life will always remain a question mark, an unsolved puzzle... however should the chance ever be given; I would first like to thank her.. and then ask her the question that has kept me awake for most nights of my life "WHY".

Thank her for giving me away; thank her for allowing me to grow in an environment where I was the apple of two decent human's eye, thank her for giving them hope; a hope that I would at one point in my life repay them for their kind gesture of giving me a name; and not to be abandoned in an orphange without a name nor identity.

Then the question of WHY; Why hadnt she used protection? Why couldnt she have been more carefull? Why did she consume medication which consiquences I today bare.

I held no grudge nor anger againts her; I could never . She allowed me to grow in a family that needed me. They gave me love, holding me close to their heart, singing me to sleep while shoo'in my tears. They replaced the fear with laughter, they stayed up nights when I was down a fever. They cheered for my suceess and prayed I'd never fail. They gave me so much hope and took away all my pain.

For years I took advantage of all of the gifts; not realizing for even abit the sacrifises that's been made. I realized perhaps a little too late; when there was nothing I could do to safe.A home that had once been theirs was sacrifised to see me pass, to them I owe my entire life. Unsure of what is to be. I pray the courage in me, continues till one day I be; the dreams in which they've seen me grow, to be sucessfull on my own.

Seven days away from the day I was conceived; I have people to thank who I may never see. All of you played an important role for which I will be forever greatfull for. Allowing me to live and fullfill their dreams. I no longer hold a grudge againts anyone, even you who I've cursed all my life. Today I understand that this was my destiny; you were just a medium through which I came to be. I know that somewhere in this Universe, you must think of me; thou you have your own family.

Life has been good to plain old me; for I have in many ways transformed into the new me. Series of events that have taken place over the years; allowed me to let go of my past. A future of which I am not certain of, I leave it to HIM for; HE knows it all.

New Look

2006-04-25T17:37:00.000+08:00

The old template thou simple and nice , was starting to look a lil too dull for me, sooo since im not that blog savvy yet; I found a website that had this pretty kewl template (there is a link on the sidebar that leads to the person who created it) and yea well ... its a fresh new look... sorta like the fresh new me .. well maybe not "fresh" me .. but new me thats a gurantee ;) ..
Ok back to my assignments now ... or I may just have another sleepless night

Strange but true...

2006-04-25T12:23:00.000+08:00

Judging from my last entry dated sometime around the first week of april, I would have thought that I'd still be upset about the news that i'd discovered , but i am rather surprised that it no longer effects nor bothers me; but that's not to say if i were to come across this certain person i'd make any kind of casual chat, nope! I may not care about it now but nevertheless it was still a lie! a big huge fat one just like him (pardon the sacarsm) I wonder what ever happened to talks about "the only regret i'll ever have is that i never held you in my arms" at that point I was in cloud 9 today I realized it was nothing but a bunch of lies! I wonder what happened to marriage of convinence! hmmmm ... perhaps that is why he never quite gathered the guts to tell me about his engagement, that also pretty much explains the sudden coldness between us;then i was puzzled thinking if i had said or done something wrong(knowing me i never know when to shut up!) but in actual fact, seems like he was the one who'd done something wrong. No being in love isnt wrong but telling 1 girl ur only wish is if u could change back time, but its now to late because you will soon leave for UK, and getting engaged to a girl who is not from England really shows me what kind of a person he really is! IF only i had seen this sooner, I would not have wasted a good 1.5 years of my life waiting and hoping for something to be, while he was probably having fun with every other girl . oh well its his loss ! and hopefully i am someone elses' gain lol.

on the side, life has been pretty hectic with assignment due dates practically hanging like a sword above my head, the semester is almost coming to an end, and in 14 days ill turn 25! bleah talk about being old!!! all in all im looking forward to the days that come eventhou i know its not going to be easy! and yea sorry for the lack of updates jst been to busy with assignments! *sighhh such is a life of a student

it all ends ...

2006-04-07T00:08:00.000+08:00

for a moment , i was stunned ... i was taken aback ... i coudnt quite believe what i was reading, but it was true ... it was happening and that is when it started setting in slowly but painfully ... it had finally ended, any hope what so ever of being one, and spending my life with the one person that meant the world to me had finaly ended. He was finally settling down, his engagement had already been set on the 9th of September 2006, and the marriage should take place sometime in March next year. How do i feel right now? numb all over ... Will I be able to move on ? I have in many ways ...thou often my mind does travel back in time... Does it all effect me ? Yes , it does ...how could it not?

what do i make out of this ...

2006-03-29T01:21:00.000+08:00

its 1.21 am, and im resting in bed while typing this entry ... alot of things are going thru my mind at this point of time, which is why i decided to jst let it all out here... after all they do say tht writing is a good form of therapy in this case its typing :P
a short while ago , i received a call from N, in the recent weeks we have gotten pretty close to each other, we arent dating, we arent seeing each other , we have not even met for that matter! yet there is this feeling of comfort zone when i talk to him , expressing myself to a person of the opposite sex has never been easier! no doubt i do feel that there is some sort of chemistry however it could be one-sided and perhaps it would be best to just push those "chemistry" kind of feelings aside for now.. in the recent weeks we have talked about relationships in general of course and we both have agreed that if its meant to be then nothing and no one can stop it, however if it is not then we'd still be there for each other as friends..
N seems to be a person who is compassionate , perhaps a lil reserved, someone who enjoys spending time at home , playing with his doggies and i sorta admire these things in a man ... perhaps it because i seek these things in the man i see myself spending an eternity with, these were the same things that made me love V the way i did , but all of this is yet to be seen .... for now N is a good friend, a fantastic person with a fantastic personality who has no qualms about making me feel special, he reminds me a lil of H, at least he sounds that way .. and only H would call me up at wee hours in the morning just to say good night ...

to N i dedicate this few lines of lyrics :

Aap Joh Paas Aaye Meree
Aap Seh Joh Hui Doosti
Khaawab Jaagne Laaga
Dil Koh Legne Legaa
Duniya Mein Na Koi Aap Sa

its been a month...

2006-03-28T17:31:00.000+08:00

since i began my final semester at KDU, as June approaches i realize that my journey with KDU is coming to an end, an institution i had dreamed of going to ever since i was a kid, i used to tell everyone in my family i am going to KDU to study when i grow up ... and lil did i know that KDU would show me the way to my dreams... thou i will not be flying off to Murdoch like the rest of my friends , rest assured KDU has given me everything i have ever dreamt off ... it made me a person i am today, i learnt how to be responsible ... i learnt how to be independant ... however all of this could not have happened if it werent for lecturers like Sham, Mabel and Mrs Tan ... with Rekha who never gave up hope on me ,and Ms Ong who was be the best dean any student and department could have asked for , in her i saw a vision of a mother who wanted to ensure all her children did well in thier respective majors ....

THANK YOU KDU FOR GIVING ME THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE ... TO YOU I OWE MY ENTIRE LIFE .... THANK YOU SHAM, MABEL AND MRS TAN ... IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I CAN NOW STAND TALL AND TELL MYSELF I FINISHED MY TERM WITH KDU , AND WITH YOUR BLESSINGS ILL BE ABLE TO GRADUATE SOON....THANK YOU MS REKHA FOR HAVING THAT FAITH IN ME THOU I KNOW I HAVE DISSAPOINTED YOU MANY-A-TIMES ... MS ONG YOU'LL ALWAYS BE THE BEST DEAN ANY FACULTY COULD HAVE AND I MISS YOU LOADS , I THINK WE ALL DO!

two weeks ...

2006-03-16T19:15:00.000+08:00

it's been about 14 days now since i've moved into pj, how am i handling all of it? truth of the matter is , whatever the situation im dealing with i cant blame anyone but myself based on reason known frm my previous post, if it weren't for me dad mom and me would never have had to endure all of what is happening , but i guess it's a lil too late to cry over spilt milk, with the hope that with time everything will fall into place.. the rules here are a lil diff as opposed to what they were at home , grandma sleeps by 11 so she wants us to be in bed by 11 ... and she's up by 7 which means like it or not ive got to be up by then unless of course mom gives me the green light to sleep in , however that doesnt really happen either because i dont feel comfortable sleeping in .... life as they say is abt adapting to changes, and i suppose this is a change that i shall have to get used to, but it'll only be for sometime.. hopefully by the end of this year, i'll move into what would be my new home , where things will never change, where dad mom and me will have our privacy and space yet be ther for each other ..now and forever

Its about time some papers get their facts right!!!!

2006-03-13T14:06:00.000+08:00

While walking in mid valley i stumbled upon a shop (looking to buy a drink) i saw a malay newspaper (Harian Metro) with a BOMBASTIC front page HEADLINE "KIAMAT 2019" Anyone curious enough would deff buy the paper since the issue was on a story that would generaly interest the entire population of earth! Being me I just had to read the article , so i logged on to their website and found this : Taken from their website on March 12 2006

"Kiamat 2019
Oleh ZAINUDDIN ZAIN dan ASMIZAN MOHD SAMIRANKUALA LUMPUR: Dunia akan kiamat pada 1 Februari 2019 akibat bumi dilanggar asteroid dikenali sebagai 2002 NT7! Ini adalah dakyah terbaru yang kini disebarkan secara meluas menerusi e-mel di internet.Lebih mendukacitakan, e-mel itu mengajak manusia di seluruh dunia untuk bergembira dan melakukan perkara untuk kepuasan diri mereka sehingga tarikh berkenaan.Pihak yang menyebarkan e-mel berkenaan mendakwa, kejadian yang bakal memusnah dan melenyapkan bumi daripada sistem cakerawala itu disahkan Pentadbiran Aeronautik dan Angkasa Negara (Nasa) di Amerika Syarikat (AS).Pakar astronomi negara ini mengakui kewujudan asteroid 2002 NT7, namun meminta orang ramai tidak terlalu bimbang sehingga mengganggu kehidupan seharian kerana banyak perkara mengenainya masih dipantau dan belum dipastikan.Pakar agama pula meminta umat Islam tidak terlalu mempercayai kiamat akan berlaku pada tarikh itu kerana dibimbangi akan menjejaskan akidah kerana kiamat adalah ketentuan Allah yang tidak diketahui manusia, termasuk Nabi Muhammad SAW.Pensyarah jurusan Fizik Angkasa Universiti Malaya (UM), Prof Dr Mohd Zambri Zainuddin, berkata walaupun asteroid 2002 NT7 dikesan saintis pada 9 Julai 2002, namun masih terlalu awal untuk mengesahkan ia pasti melanggar bumi pada 2019.“Tidak dinafikan mengikut jangkaan ia (2002 NT7) akan melanggar bumi pada 1 Februari 2019, tetapi ketika ini pakar astronomi di seluruh dunia, termasuk dari Nasa dan di Jepun, masih memantau perkembangan asteroid berkenaan.“Masih banyak perkara kita tidak tahu mengenai asteroid itu, termasuk saiz dan orbitnya. Malah, pada masa ini Nasa meletakkan 2002 NT7 sebagai ‘low impact risk’ (risiko perlanggaran rendah).“Hanya antara satu hingga dua tahun sebelum tarikh jangkaan ia akan melanggar bumi, baru kita akan mendapat maklumat lengkap mengenai asteroid itu dan kesan sebenarnya terhadap bumi,” katanya.Dr Mohd Zambri yang juga Timbalan Dekan Fakulti Sains UM berkata, pada masa itu juga, banyak perkara boleh dilakukan terhadap asteroid itu, termasuk menembaknya menggunakan roket atau peluru berpandu supaya hanya serpihannya menimpa bumi.“Kita tidak dapat menolak keluar asteroid ini daripada orbitnya. Kalau ia hendak melanggar bumi, kita tidak akan dapat menyekatnya, tetapi yang dapat kita lakukan ialah meminimumkan kesan perlanggaran.“Bagaimanapun, kita tidak perlu bimbang kerana berdasarkan sejarah, banyak asteroid dan komet yang dikesan sebelum ini tidak sempat sampai ke bumi akibat merempuh objek lain di angkasa atau terkeluar daripada orbit,” katanya.Beliau berkata, Nasa mengesan lebih 1,000 asteroid dan komet yang terkeluar daripada kawasan sepatutnya, iaitu antara planet Marikh dan Musytari serta berhampiran planet Pluto, sekali gus mewujudkan kemungkinan berlanggar dengan bumi.“Namun, kes terburuk adalah asteroid yang jatuh di kawasan gurun di wilayah Tuguska, Siberia pada 1908 yang meratakan kawasan, termasuk memusnahkan tumbuh-tumbuhan di kawasan kira-kira 25 batu persegi,” katanya.Bagaimanapun, Dr Mohd Zambri tidak menafikan asteroid sebesar satu kilometer cukup untuk memusnahkan bumi berdasarkan impak daripada perlanggaran pada kelajuan tinggi.“Berbanding komet berais, asteroid pula berbatu, sekali gus mampu memberi kesan besar terhadap bumi jika berlaku perlanggaran kerana mampu menolak bumi keluar daripada orbitnya.“Apabila bumi terkeluar daripada orbitnya, ia akan ditarik ke arah matahari dan ini cukup berbahaya.Yang pasti, saintis dunia juga sentiasa mengambil langkah berjaga-jaga bagi memastikan sebarang maklumat awal mengenai segala kemungkinan yang berlaku di sistem cakerawala diperoleh,” katanya.Mengenai e-mel kononnya kiamat akan berlaku pada 1 Februari 2019 akibat 2002 NT7 melanggar bumi, Dr Mohd Zambri berkata, ia mungkin disebarkan pihak amatur dan bukan pakar astronomi.“Mereka beranggapan penyebarkan e-mel itu akan menyedarkan penduduk dunia mengenai apa akan berlaku, tetapi sebenarnya mereka hanya mencipta keadaan tidak tenteram berdasarkan fakta salah.“Pada masa ini tiada siapa dapat meramalkan kesan sebenar ditimbulkan 2002 NT7 kepada bumi,” katanya sambil menambah, e-mel itu juga mungkin disebarkan oleh pihak yang ada kepentingan tertentu.E-mel bertajuk ‘Start Enjoying Yourself’ itu mempunyai dua gambar, termasuk satu maklumat grafik yang kononnya menunjukkan kedudukan 2002 NT7 sekarang, selain satu gambar dipercayai menggunakan teknik pertindihan menunjukkan bumi dilanggar asteroid.Antara kata-kata dicatatkan di dalam e-mel itu ialah: “So, enjoy every moment of your life to the fullest extent...till Feb 1, 2019.” (Justeru, bergembiralah setiap saat di dalam hidup anda secara maksimum sehingga 1 Februari 2019).Ini kali kedua e-mel disebarkan secara meluas di negara ini mengenai kiamat. Tahun lalu, rakyat negara ini gempar dengan dakwaan kononnya kiamat akan berlaku ketika gerhana berpasangan Oktober lalu.Dr Mohd Zambri yang juga pakar astronomi berkata, dakyah yang disebarkan tahun lalu itu terbukti pembohongan dan hanya menjadi bahan ketawa mereka yang pakar di bidang berkaitan sistem cakerawala dan solar.“Gerhana berpasangan bukan luar biasa. Namun, ada pihak menjadikannya bahan untuk mewujudkan kebimbangan masyarakat dan lebih malang, mereka mengaitkannya dengan kiamat,” katanya.Sebelum ini, Mufti Perak, Datuk Seri Harussani Zakaria, ketika mengulas e-mel kiamat menjelang gerhana berpasangan itu berkata:“Hari kiamat perkara ghaib yang sebenarnya di bawah ilmu Allah. Sesiapa pun tidak tahu sedangkan nabi pun tidak tahu bila hari kiamat.“Banyak ramalan sedemikian dibuat dari semasa ke semasa dan dilakukan sejak zaman nabi, tetapi tidak pernah terjadi. Nabi pernah menyatakan tukang nujum itu bohong, walaupun ada kejadian yang betul tetapi ia hanya kebetulan,” katanya.Beliau berkata, penyebaran e-mel itu adalah perbuatan pihak ekstrem atau berniat memesongkan akidah umat Islam."

After reading the site, i decided to log on to NASA's website to see what the "real" story was perhaps NASA had a better explanation and this is what I had gathered .... http://neo.jpl.nasa.gov/news/news133.html"

Which goes to show that, the journalist and editors for Harian Metro did not check on the accuracy of the news , which could have been done by a simple check on NASA's website... now if everyone out there would have done what i did , and reported it back to harian metro , it would be a good reminder to those guys there to go back to their routes of journalism :D

Events ...

2006-02-28T17:59:00.000+08:00

Yes yes I admit , I haven't been blogging much .... well here is a summary of what's been taking place in my life in the recent weeks ....

1. Roopy made it to KL in one piece :D thou delayed (nothing un-usual) and extended her stay (again nothing un-usual) we had loads of fun... missing her loads even as i type this entry out

2. Classes resumed two of my lecturers are okie , however there is 1 lecturer that seems to be getting on my nerves and if nothing is done, im afraid ill get a heart attack soon

3. I saw someone I wished I hadnt' seen while roopy was in KL .... yes she tried reasoning things out to me and so did reena however, fact still remained that it hurt .... still does probably always will

4. Today is my last day in BSD sigh, 11 years worth of wonderful memories ... memories i will forever treasure ....

Rang De Basanti

2006-02-14T23:11:00.001+08:00

A movie that has captured the heart soul and mind of millions of indians around the world from the UK's to Malaysia ...not because of the brilliant actors that seemed to have slipped into the roles they played, but because the movie deals with what an indian would go through in india, and the irony is this happens to citizens in every country.. how their voices have been surpressed by the goverment and how we have all learnt with time to adjust to these situations, its a story of 5 friends and how they wanted to make a difference in the world, its a modern version of the many Bhagat Singh movies we've seen over the last couple of years....

Bhagat Singh, a known hero in the eyes of many indians accross the world , for it was he who had the strength to fight the English then, it was he who gave thousands of others the vision of seeing an independant India , he wasnt the only one who had that vision of an independant India along with him were Chandrashekar Azad , Rajguru, Sukhdev, Ram Prasad Bismil and countless others ... together these were the real hero's in the 1920's ...

Rang De Basanti made me realize alot of things today, and that is in the true words of the scriptwriter "no country is perfect, but it is us citizens who have to perfect it with time, if there is corruption we fight i;t not with war , not with blood , but with honesty ... join the police if you must, be a politician to get your views across if you must, but dont blaime your country for who you are today, because the first step towards a better country starts with you" we often blaime everyone except ourselves for the things that take place on a daily basis... although i do agree that it would be impossible to get our voices accross but truly the first step towards a better country or world takes a single step which Bhagat Singh, Chandrashekar Azad, Udham Singh, Sukhdev, Ram Prasad Bismil and Rajguru took years before India or even Malaysia had dreamt of Independence ......

Of parting with friends

2006-02-09T21:14:00.000+08:00

Early last year until perhaps sometime around october , I was convinced that tomorrow I would fly to Perth, Australia to finish up the remaining 3 semesters of my bachelors program. Initially when it had first started out, I was excited about the prospect of flying with Airin and Prema my two classmates who I've shared so much with during my last semester. As time passed, as much as there was excitement there was also fear, mostly of not doing well and adapting to new surroundings but I guess what scared me the most was taking up a huge amount of my parents life saving for my bachelors. I remained brave until the day we had the first pre-depature briefing, when I learnt that a good amount of money had to be paid in advance if I wanted to secure a seat in Murdoch, my parents were perhaps a little hesitant with my decision then to go to Murdoch especially since it was a semester earlier then I had actually planned... but nevertheless they gave me the support that I needed... but somehow I couldn't see myself taking such a big step, especially when I wasnt sure how well I would do in my then current semester, and paying a huge amount in advance and not being sure of the results was taking a huge risk, and I did not want to take that risk not knowing what was ahead of me. Then there were talks of a 3+0 murdoch program which a lot of the students had opted for, so after looking through the pro's and con's I decided to jump in the bandwagon and wait for the 3+0 program, it was still a risk nevertheless because there weren't any confirmations on when the program would begin but it would allow me to save some amount of money and perhaps be a little more independant...

Tomorrow 10th Febuary 2006, my two friends along with the rest of my classmates will be leaving the country to persue the final year in Murdoch University in their respective majors... I had met them briefly yesterday, to say our goodbyes and catch up on a few things before they bid farewell to Malaysia... I couldn't stop my tears .. yet I wasn't sure why I was crying to even begin with ... was it because I was being left behind? was it because I would miss them and the times we'd spent together , was it because things were not going to be the same again for me in class? It could be one or it could be all of those reasons above, yet it was a decision I had made for my life... mom want's me to transfer in July saying that I should expirence life and learn alot more then just being a good daughter or at the very least trying to be a good daughter at home.... however the decision is yet to be made... for now Room 308 will not be the same again, there will not be front row gossips with the laptop chicks (Airin and Me and then Prema joined in the laptop chicks group) , no more Tuesday and Thursday long break movies in 1Utmama , no more Group presentations with Airin which somehow we made an excellent team I think .... whatever said and done ... Airin and Prema were the 2 classmates that made me realize what friendship is truly about, being there for each other .... and accpeting me for the person that I was ... or rather became with their help ...

feelings ......

2006-02-04T17:33:00.000+08:00

when i ended things with him on december 30th 2005, i never thought it'd be so hard for me, there were times during that period when i had prayed that he would text me, or call me asking me to nt walk away the way i did..but as weeks passed i realized that he probably wanted me to leave, just like how everyone else has. i received a text from him on the 29th of jan asking me why i hadnt' kept in touch with him or if everything was okie for me. thou hurt and crushed with memories of the past, i choose to remain calm and told myself that "dimpy, be strong why cry later? when he' only going to leave at the end?, its best that you cry now and be strong later" with that i made myself all stronger and even sent him a rude text, hoping the msg would get across.

yesterday, as i was having lunch with mom in pj i turned around to take a look at this pool table with a score board next to it, and for a moment time stood still. there was a name scribbled on the board with his name on it, perhaps it wasnt his name, perhaps it was someone else who was also adressed by that name, all thoughts came bk to me... and i broke down in tears in the car...... and that is when mom looked at me and she understood the pain i was going through..... there are times when i wished i had never met him, there are times when i wish i would have igonred him just like i have igonred others in the virtual world.. there are times when i wish i had never believed a word he had said.......... was this supposed to be some lesson of life that i was to learn? what did he teach me? that love hurts ? that love is just a game to be played? and that marriage is of convinence ?

why couldn't he for a moment see how i felt? why couldnt he understand the pain ive been through ... why didnt he realize that no matter how far in life i go, no matter what happens to me or where i end up in life, he would probably be the only one my heart yearns for? it hurts and it hurts real bad, they say time is the biggest healer........ but how am i to heal when i know that every step i take somewhere something will remind me of him, and there is this fright in me that we'll bump into each other now that i spend most of my time in PJ. I wish i had answeres , i wish i had the solution .... but above and beyond all i wish he was mine, thou dreams never come true....... especially not mine

Headaches are horrible...

2006-01-18T17:45:00.000+08:00

yes that's right they are .... been suffering from headaches the last couple of days not only does it hurt my head feels really heavy and im been taking 1 to many 250mg ponstans with hot cups of tea!! and the darm thing isnt going anywhere!!! bleah! I know i shoudnt be in front of the pc while having this nagging pain but then i cant quite sleep .... the weather is just getting to me its horribly HOT!!!! bleah... okie enuff of rants im off to take another cold shower and just close my eyes for abit ..

Its time ..

2006-01-18T12:25:00.000+08:00

that I start standing up for what I feel and not being stepped over by everyone especially not a kid who doesnt understand the facts of life and wants to have it her way or no way at all...
yesterday she pulled the last straw when she started lashing her anger out at me for no apprarent reason, while i know that she may be facing some sort of problems at home or with her personal life, but taking it out on someone else who was trying to be friendly doesnt quite fit the bill... mom has told me time and again to just stop talking to her, since she's done this to met several times but all along i felt that maybe she'll jst change with time , but i finally realized a dogs tail can never be straight... with that i decided that enough is enough and im not going to take her non-sense no more!!

on a side note i present to you my boo!! :D

3 days....

2006-01-03T18:58:00.000+08:00

into 2006, and Im feeling better then before hehe perhaps its just that motivational pep talk i keep giving myself, but whatever said and done ... I FEEL FANTASTIC!! , been working out alot (heh! its about time ler.... after no boy want me abit teh susah then) been practising on my driving alot (yes yes im getting better each day) but above all I'm feeling free, free from any sort of feeling that would tie me down; dont get me wrong , i love being in a relationship and all but at the same time i want to be in a relationship with the right person for the right reasons, until and unless that person does not come my way i aint goona budge!!! got another session at the gym tomoro hopefully i'll be able to make it! in fact i want to be able to make it !! time to get in shape and turn some heads :D

it's almost time

2005-12-31T22:37:00.000+08:00

With less then an hour and a half to go, I finally bid farewell to 2005. I've learnt alot this year more so about myself and how capable I am of doing things I never thought I was able to do.
Today we transported some of the stuff to PJ, it was heartbreaking to see the house get emptier by the minute, but there is nothing I can do now, except prove the world wrong in every aspect and manner.
I sold my piano today, something that has always been part of my life - my music. Mom felt it more then me, after all it was her dream to see her daughter play the piano , and play I did.
I may not have reached the tops but I went somewhere with it. I can proudly tell myself I completed my grade 5 both for both theory and practical, thou i hardly remember much of it now.
It felt good in someways knowing that the new owners had a gift in music, and they'd be able to do justice to the piano and perhaps even give it "life".
Alot of mixed emotions are going through me at this point of time, Im trying to be brave; but it seems impossible nevertheless I shall have to try.
Tomorrow I shall begin a fresh new start for myself, I shall try and forget everything of the past especially those that have caused tears in mylife , as known its usually easier said then done but in my case it will have to be done. My only hope is that GOD guides me through this journey, just like HE has in the past ... and HE gives me the strength that I need to achieve my parents dreams.

Goodbye 2005, thank you for giving me a gift ever so precious that I'll forever be grateful for.

Yeh Raat....

2005-12-30T21:23:00.000+08:00

yeh raat khush naseeb hai jo aapne chand ko

akele mu(h) chupai rooh rahi hai

yaha(n) toh ghum ki sahej per humari aarzo

muh chupai rooh raahi hai

saathi maine paake tujhe khoya

kaise hai yeh aapna naseeb

tujhseh bichard gaaye mein toh

yaadein teri haan kareeb

tu meri wafaao(n) mein

tu mer i sedhaon mein

tu meri duaao(n) mein

kaatati nahin hai meri raatein

kaatate nahin hai mere din

mere saare sapne adhure

zindagi aadhuri tere bin

khawabon mein nigahon mein

pyar ki penaahon mein

aah chupale baahon mein

yeh raat khush naseeb hai jo aapne chand ko
akele mu(h) chupai rooh rahi hai
yaha(n) toh ghum ki sahej per humari aarzo
muh chupai rooh raahi hai

A chapter in my life Closed ....

2005-12-30T20:56:00.000+08:00

On December 30th 2005, i finally told myself that what ever V and me shared was never there to begin with, I waited a year ...... perhaps a lil more then a year but no amount of waiting made him realize that we could be together for all he could think off was the grass that was greener in UK, who could blame him? with the currency exchange i'd be nuts about that place myself...
So after I hung up the phone on him earlier , i finally gathered the nerve to text him with these 2 messages...

"dont wait to long i may not be here for long, ive waited a year and honestly i can wait no more. no matter how much ive cared, ive only been a waste of air and as time goes by i realized you never really cared or were there. happy new year V its the end , thank you for everything and i hope you'll remember me as i will to"

" i am tired ... and you're looking forward to your new life, wish you all the sucess and happiness you deserve. I wish you'd felt the same way i did for you, but maybe i was never meant to be with someone as perfect as you. and i prayed and hoped things would change bt it nvr did. take care rishi kapoor and thanks for coming into my life for the time and moment that you did"

with that, i ended everything with the one person that i could have possibly been the happiest person with , but im sure HE has something else instore for me .... and im not going to go againts HIM soo i'll wait and see who is that one person who'll accept me for who i am and love me for the way ill always be ......

Guilt

2005-12-28T00:50:00.000+08:00

I'm turning 25 in May, and what have I done to make my parents proud in the last 25 years of my birth ? the answer would be plain and blunt NOTHING , at the age that I am now i should be able to give them a bigger roof over their head, be able to pay their bills , take over all the house responsibliites; instead all ive done is rob them from everything that they've owned... i took their roof away from them for my education.... ive increased their bills through most parts of my life with my extensive phone bills and tuition fees etc.... after 24 years today i feel like a COMPLETE FAILURE and this hit me while i was watching this movie waqt on tv2. I pray to the heavens above that I'll be able to give them all that they deserve and even more then that in the coming years ... and there is only 1 wish that GOD grants them both a long and healthy life so that i'd be able to make thier dreams come true .... or rather make my dreams for them come true

Moving.....

2005-12-26T17:30:00.000+08:00

When i was younger , moving was something that always made me happy .. for me as much as it was about leaving old friends, it was also about making new discoveries, it was about adapting to new situations and it was all about learning.

As days pass, my time in my home is coming to and end, by mid january we would already be moving out of here, but this time around I am not happy at all, in fact as days past I cry myself to sleep because I have collected 1o years worth of memories from this place i call home. Sure I'll be going to a place that has often been home to me (grandma's place) but thats not where i belong, i belong with my parents in my own home.

I remember the time we got the keys to this house , I was 14 then .... I remember that warm sunny evening that we washed the house , i remember that i convinently forgot to remind my parents i had tution that day , I remember playing in the water .. (yes i am still a kid in every sense ;P ) I remember the Sukhmani Sahib prayers we had the next day with family and very close friends. I remember having my favourite friends over during our muzium trip; Adeline, Eliza, Priscillia they used to hang out here often during school days.. I remember the House Warming party we had , and our first diwali party ..... I remember getting most of my results here ........

Over the last 10 years , every bit of memory makes me shed a tear ...... everytime i take a look around my room which was my only get away place when things went rough ..... i see stickers that i have on the wall , posters on my wardrobe , Motivational Notes pasted everywhere with things like "SPM 7 A'S " " PMR 7 A'S" not like i got those A's hehehe but they're jst part of me ......

I never thought or knew that it would be so hard to leave this place i call home .......but then i suppose life is about moving on ..... and looking for better oppurtunities ..... and me ? I'm hoping to give my parents back a home soon .......... its the first thing on my list after I graduate , and if i get the Astro Scolarship it'll be a reality in no time .......

Down and Out

2005-12-19T22:50:00.000+08:00

It's one of those days again where I am feeling totally down and out ... don't know if its the hormons or something else , my guess is its something else ... haven't spoken to V for quite sometime now ... did get a glimpse of him the other day while i went for my refreshers course ... while I tell myself the best thing to do is move on and forget the love that I have for him that has grown over the year; there is this part of me that does not want to give up hope.

I know he is leaving for UK in a matter of 6 months and I know for a fact seeing him before he leaves is unlikely to happen.... there is a part of me that wants him to be happy in UK and find that one that will give him his happiness there and then there is that selfish side of me that wants him to come back and be with me for eternity(thou like i said its highly impossible) but one can still hope right?

What's worst is I coudnt not get hold of him over the phone for some reason, I kept getting this short beep tones ; which could be due to network failure ...not sure on that thou; sighhhhhhhh *frowns*

Hope whatever I am feeling right now fades away fast , its starting to take a toll on me ....

On the side, been going back to the gym again , trying my best to keep and stick to the routines this time ; hopefully i stick through it got another session on Wednesday at 3pm

Countdown

2005-12-19T13:46:00.000+08:00

The clock is ticking, the dates are changing and in a matter of 2 weeks we will bid 2005 goodbye, and usher in the new year with lots of hope , lots of resolutions(sp?) ........ last night mom asked me wht was my new years resolution, and it got me thinking for abit ; did i want to make new ones and then not perform them? did i intend to make false promises to myself for yet another year? so i finally decided that this year , there was to be none, but that's not say that i wont better myself in the coming year ; i will but without any expectations of myself so at the very least if im unable to keep that promise for a reason , i wont beat myself up.

I do however intend to get better grades and that willl only work should i work harder then i did this semester; so far i've passed 2 papers . For Globalization and Media Technologies i got a Pass , coz i hadnt done my webct participation, had i done that i may have gotten a Credit im not sure. For Culture and Everyday Life i got a Credit. I was expectin to get a Credit, its what I had aimed for from the beginning of the semester. I'm still awaiting my results for Public Relations which is to be out sometime soon, but according to Mrs Tan I should have nothing to fear about because Murdoch Uni was satisfied with my work, soo im hoping for a Credit but a Pass would be okie as well... just as long as i dont fail the subject i'll be glad.

I've wasted alot of my time on education; because for some reason i was never serious with anything , and now I pray that this streak of getting through exams continue until i graduate , with Febuary not to long away I am one step closer to my degree... and in a matter of 9 month(excluding holidays) I'll have a Bachelors in Communications majoring in Journalism. sounds darn bombastic innit? but its all hard work and i intend to get there w/o having to repeat anymore subjects.

Drive!!

2005-12-15T22:35:00.000+08:00

I am now the offaicial driver for the family hahahaha, its funny for someone who was never allowed to drive, im not driving everyone around ... even for the smallest things like going to the shops or going for dinner ... its always dimpy u drive! :D yayyy i now drive :p

Eventful Day

2005-12-10T00:16:00.000+08:00

Had quite a day today ....

Woke up late as per usual :P , after which i walked around the house like a zombie did a thing or two ... reena picked me up about 2'ish and we went over to her place for abit , did the usual catching up bit and then went to puchase a beautiful hand bouquet for mama n papa's anniversary which costed me about 60 ringgit .. its 8 stalks of purple/lavender roses with other fresh flower arrangemnts in it :D , all in all im happy with my day .. i even created a card online and printed it out ... now lets hope i wake up in time to prepare breakfast ...

Reflections

2005-12-08T13:01:00.000+08:00

Again the year is coming to an end, its a wonder how fast time goes by .... it feels like yesterday when i was busy with jasvin's wedding and already its approaching her 1st wedding anniversary... it's been a year since tht horrible tsunami struck leaving the world a little more scared with its events..... its been a year since ive last seen V , funny in the past weeks i dont really care about him as much as i used to... i suppose its because ive realized that we all have to move on sometime or rather in life .....
2005 , thought me many lessons in life , about love, friendship, about life in general.... but most of all 2005 made me realize just how much i have grown as a person, it may not seem much ... but to me it has been an improvement ... i dont know what 2006 has in store for anyone of us, but im praying to the heavens above that what ever is in store, will be the best for all of us. Perhaps mr right will appear , perhaps we'll win the lottery and buy ourselves a home again, perhaps ill get distinctions in my exams next semester .... perhaps ill get enggaged should the right person come along.... perhaps i may leave for perth..... im leaving it up to the BIG GUY , He knows what's right for all of us, eventhou at times we may not like those decisions that HE'S made for us .....

Knightrider .....

2005-12-06T20:46:00.000+08:00

Thats right, my knightrider has finally arrived hehehehehhehe... meaning which my car finally came in yesterday ...
Been having loads of fun with it, :D apart from that everything else been pretty much a routine thingy ... the weekend is going to be busy with mum n dad's anniversary we're going for a nice dim sum buffet in quality inn hotel (that's all i can afford) hahahah but at least im doing something....
Nesh is supposed to take me out tomorow for dinner , thou i dont feel like going and from the looks of it he convinently forgot about it which is good in its own way.. oh well nothing is happening in my life ..

Thoughts...

2005-12-02T18:01:00.000+08:00

At 6 am today, a Cambodian Native Australian was hung at the Changi Prison for having traffick 400g of Heroin into Singapore while on a transit back to Melbourne. Alot has been said in the days leading to his execution.. there were countless negotiations by the Australians and Singapore needless to say Singapore was stern on its dicision. TheStar reported that "in his final hours as calm, resolute and ready to die. " but was he really ready to die ? at only 25 .... had he really enjoyed life ? agreed that being caught with any sort of drug was wrong ... yet had no one paid any attention to the pleas that had been made? I may be young and naive ...however I cant help but feel somehow somewhere something wrong was done ... taking the life of someone is being equivlent (sp?) to killing ... in my opinion there is always a better way to punish someone then hanging them or executing them in such a manner.... no one knows what was going through his mind just before his execution... how would his mother have felt? how would his brother have felt ? they weren't allowed to hug him especially his mother .... he was only human after all, and he probably needed that hug ... i may not know the entire story ... but these are just my thoughts and like many others i too mourn the loss of Nguyen Tuong Van...

R.I.P Nguyen Tuong Van (1980-2005)

New Blog

2005-12-01T17:03:00.000+08:00

Based on the fact that my blog has been gaining more popularity among people i do not want having access to the site ive decided to change the url and also the host of my blog.. this is going to be somewhat personal...