The old template thou simple and nice , was starting to look a lil too dull for me, sooo since im not that blog savvy yet; I found a website that had this pretty kewl template (there is a link on the sidebar that leads to the person who created it) and yea well ... its a fresh new look... sorta like the fresh new me .. well maybe not "fresh" me .. but new me thats a gurantee ;) ..
Ok back to my assignments now ... or I may just have another sleepless night
Tuesday, April 25
Strange but true...
Judging from my last entry dated sometime around the first week of april, I would have thought that I'd still be upset about the news that i'd discovered , but i am rather surprised that it no longer effects nor bothers me; but that's not to say if i were to come across this certain person i'd make any kind of casual chat, nope! I may not care about it now but nevertheless it was still a lie! a big huge fat one just like him (pardon the sacarsm) I wonder what ever happened to talks about "the only regret i'll ever have is that i never held you in my arms" at that point I was in cloud 9 today I realized it was nothing but a bunch of lies! I wonder what happened to marriage of convinence! hmmmm ... perhaps that is why he never quite gathered the guts to tell me about his engagement, that also pretty much explains the sudden coldness between us;then i was puzzled thinking if i had said or done something wrong(knowing me i never know when to shut up!) but in actual fact, seems like he was the one who'd done something wrong. No being in love isnt wrong but telling 1 girl ur only wish is if u could change back time, but its now to late because you will soon leave for UK, and getting engaged to a girl who is not from England really shows me what kind of a person he really is! IF only i had seen this sooner, I would not have wasted a good 1.5 years of my life waiting and hoping for something to be, while he was probably having fun with every other girl . oh well its his loss ! and hopefully i am someone elses' gain lol.
on the side, life has been pretty hectic with assignment due dates practically hanging like a sword above my head, the semester is almost coming to an end, and in 14 days ill turn 25! bleah talk about being old!!! all in all im looking forward to the days that come eventhou i know its not going to be easy! and yea sorry for the lack of updates jst been to busy with assignments! *sighhh such is a life of a student
on the side, life has been pretty hectic with assignment due dates practically hanging like a sword above my head, the semester is almost coming to an end, and in 14 days ill turn 25! bleah talk about being old!!! all in all im looking forward to the days that come eventhou i know its not going to be easy! and yea sorry for the lack of updates jst been to busy with assignments! *sighhh such is a life of a student
Friday, April 7
it all ends ...
for a moment , i was stunned ... i was taken aback ... i coudnt quite believe what i was reading, but it was true ... it was happening and that is when it started setting in slowly but painfully ... it had finally ended, any hope what so ever of being one, and spending my life with the one person that meant the world to me had finaly ended. He was finally settling down, his engagement had already been set on the 9th of September 2006, and the marriage should take place sometime in March next year. How do i feel right now? numb all over ... Will I be able to move on ? I have in many ways ...thou often my mind does travel back in time... Does it all effect me ? Yes , it does ...how could it not?
Wednesday, March 29
what do i make out of this ...
its 1.21 am, and im resting in bed while typing this entry ... alot of things are going thru my mind at this point of time, which is why i decided to jst let it all out here... after all they do say tht writing is a good form of therapy in this case its typing :P
a short while ago , i received a call from N, in the recent weeks we have gotten pretty close to each other, we arent dating, we arent seeing each other , we have not even met for that matter! yet there is this feeling of comfort zone when i talk to him , expressing myself to a person of the opposite sex has never been easier! no doubt i do feel that there is some sort of chemistry however it could be one-sided and perhaps it would be best to just push those "chemistry" kind of feelings aside for now.. in the recent weeks we have talked about relationships in general of course and we both have agreed that if its meant to be then nothing and no one can stop it, however if it is not then we'd still be there for each other as friends..
N seems to be a person who is compassionate , perhaps a lil reserved, someone who enjoys spending time at home , playing with his doggies and i sorta admire these things in a man ... perhaps it because i seek these things in the man i see myself spending an eternity with, these were the same things that made me love V the way i did , but all of this is yet to be seen .... for now N is a good friend, a fantastic person with a fantastic personality who has no qualms about making me feel special, he reminds me a lil of H, at least he sounds that way .. and only H would call me up at wee hours in the morning just to say good night ...
to N i dedicate this few lines of lyrics :
Aap Joh Paas Aaye Meree
Aap Seh Joh Hui Doosti
Khaawab Jaagne Laaga
Dil Koh Legne Legaa
Duniya Mein Na Koi Aap Sa
a short while ago , i received a call from N, in the recent weeks we have gotten pretty close to each other, we arent dating, we arent seeing each other , we have not even met for that matter! yet there is this feeling of comfort zone when i talk to him , expressing myself to a person of the opposite sex has never been easier! no doubt i do feel that there is some sort of chemistry however it could be one-sided and perhaps it would be best to just push those "chemistry" kind of feelings aside for now.. in the recent weeks we have talked about relationships in general of course and we both have agreed that if its meant to be then nothing and no one can stop it, however if it is not then we'd still be there for each other as friends..
N seems to be a person who is compassionate , perhaps a lil reserved, someone who enjoys spending time at home , playing with his doggies and i sorta admire these things in a man ... perhaps it because i seek these things in the man i see myself spending an eternity with, these were the same things that made me love V the way i did , but all of this is yet to be seen .... for now N is a good friend, a fantastic person with a fantastic personality who has no qualms about making me feel special, he reminds me a lil of H, at least he sounds that way .. and only H would call me up at wee hours in the morning just to say good night ...
to N i dedicate this few lines of lyrics :
Aap Joh Paas Aaye Meree
Aap Seh Joh Hui Doosti
Khaawab Jaagne Laaga
Dil Koh Legne Legaa
Duniya Mein Na Koi Aap Sa
Tuesday, March 28
its been a month...
since i began my final semester at KDU, as June approaches i realize that my journey with KDU is coming to an end, an institution i had dreamed of going to ever since i was a kid, i used to tell everyone in my family i am going to KDU to study when i grow up ... and lil did i know that KDU would show me the way to my dreams... thou i will not be flying off to Murdoch like the rest of my friends , rest assured KDU has given me everything i have ever dreamt off ... it made me a person i am today, i learnt how to be responsible ... i learnt how to be independant ... however all of this could not have happened if it werent for lecturers like Sham, Mabel and Mrs Tan ... with Rekha who never gave up hope on me ,and Ms Ong who was be the best dean any student and department could have asked for , in her i saw a vision of a mother who wanted to ensure all her children did well in thier respective majors ....
THANK YOU KDU FOR GIVING ME THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE ... TO YOU I OWE MY ENTIRE LIFE .... THANK YOU SHAM, MABEL AND MRS TAN ... IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I CAN NOW STAND TALL AND TELL MYSELF I FINISHED MY TERM WITH KDU , AND WITH YOUR BLESSINGS ILL BE ABLE TO GRADUATE SOON....THANK YOU MS REKHA FOR HAVING THAT FAITH IN ME THOU I KNOW I HAVE DISSAPOINTED YOU MANY-A-TIMES ... MS ONG YOU'LL ALWAYS BE THE BEST DEAN ANY FACULTY COULD HAVE AND I MISS YOU LOADS , I THINK WE ALL DO!
THANK YOU KDU FOR GIVING ME THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE ... TO YOU I OWE MY ENTIRE LIFE .... THANK YOU SHAM, MABEL AND MRS TAN ... IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I CAN NOW STAND TALL AND TELL MYSELF I FINISHED MY TERM WITH KDU , AND WITH YOUR BLESSINGS ILL BE ABLE TO GRADUATE SOON....THANK YOU MS REKHA FOR HAVING THAT FAITH IN ME THOU I KNOW I HAVE DISSAPOINTED YOU MANY-A-TIMES ... MS ONG YOU'LL ALWAYS BE THE BEST DEAN ANY FACULTY COULD HAVE AND I MISS YOU LOADS , I THINK WE ALL DO!
Thursday, March 16
two weeks ...
it's been about 14 days now since i've moved into pj, how am i handling all of it? truth of the matter is , whatever the situation im dealing with i cant blame anyone but myself based on reason known frm my previous post, if it weren't for me dad mom and me would never have had to endure all of what is happening , but i guess it's a lil too late to cry over spilt milk, with the hope that with time everything will fall into place.. the rules here are a lil diff as opposed to what they were at home , grandma sleeps by 11 so she wants us to be in bed by 11 ... and she's up by 7 which means like it or not ive got to be up by then unless of course mom gives me the green light to sleep in , however that doesnt really happen either because i dont feel comfortable sleeping in .... life as they say is abt adapting to changes, and i suppose this is a change that i shall have to get used to, but it'll only be for sometime.. hopefully by the end of this year, i'll move into what would be my new home , where things will never change, where dad mom and me will have our privacy and space yet be ther for each other ..now and forever
Monday, March 13
Its about time some papers get their facts right!!!!
While walking in mid valley i stumbled upon a shop (looking to buy a drink) i saw a malay newspaper (Harian Metro) with a BOMBASTIC front page HEADLINE "KIAMAT 2019" Anyone curious enough would deff buy the paper since the issue was on a story that would generaly interest the entire population of earth! Being me I just had to read the article , so i logged on to their website and found this : Taken from their website on March 12 2006
"Kiamat 2019
Oleh ZAINUDDIN ZAIN dan ASMIZAN MOHD SAMIRANKUALA LUMPUR: Dunia akan kiamat pada 1 Februari 2019 akibat bumi dilanggar asteroid dikenali sebagai 2002 NT7! Ini adalah dakyah terbaru yang kini disebarkan secara meluas menerusi e-mel di internet.Lebih mendukacitakan, e-mel itu mengajak manusia di seluruh dunia untuk bergembira dan melakukan perkara untuk kepuasan diri mereka sehingga tarikh berkenaan.Pihak yang menyebarkan e-mel berkenaan mendakwa, kejadian yang bakal memusnah dan melenyapkan bumi daripada sistem cakerawala itu disahkan Pentadbiran Aeronautik dan Angkasa Negara (Nasa) di Amerika Syarikat (AS).Pakar astronomi negara ini mengakui kewujudan asteroid 2002 NT7, namun meminta orang ramai tidak terlalu bimbang sehingga mengganggu kehidupan seharian kerana banyak perkara mengenainya masih dipantau dan belum dipastikan.Pakar agama pula meminta umat Islam tidak terlalu mempercayai kiamat akan berlaku pada tarikh itu kerana dibimbangi akan menjejaskan akidah kerana kiamat adalah ketentuan Allah yang tidak diketahui manusia, termasuk Nabi Muhammad SAW.Pensyarah jurusan Fizik Angkasa Universiti Malaya (UM), Prof Dr Mohd Zambri Zainuddin, berkata walaupun asteroid 2002 NT7 dikesan saintis pada 9 Julai 2002, namun masih terlalu awal untuk mengesahkan ia pasti melanggar bumi pada 2019.“Tidak dinafikan mengikut jangkaan ia (2002 NT7) akan melanggar bumi pada 1 Februari 2019, tetapi ketika ini pakar astronomi di seluruh dunia, termasuk dari Nasa dan di Jepun, masih memantau perkembangan asteroid berkenaan.“Masih banyak perkara kita tidak tahu mengenai asteroid itu, termasuk saiz dan orbitnya. Malah, pada masa ini Nasa meletakkan 2002 NT7 sebagai ‘low impact risk’ (risiko perlanggaran rendah).“Hanya antara satu hingga dua tahun sebelum tarikh jangkaan ia akan melanggar bumi, baru kita akan mendapat maklumat lengkap mengenai asteroid itu dan kesan sebenarnya terhadap bumi,” katanya.Dr Mohd Zambri yang juga Timbalan Dekan Fakulti Sains UM berkata, pada masa itu juga, banyak perkara boleh dilakukan terhadap asteroid itu, termasuk menembaknya menggunakan roket atau peluru berpandu supaya hanya serpihannya menimpa bumi.“Kita tidak dapat menolak keluar asteroid ini daripada orbitnya. Kalau ia hendak melanggar bumi, kita tidak akan dapat menyekatnya, tetapi yang dapat kita lakukan ialah meminimumkan kesan perlanggaran.“Bagaimanapun, kita tidak perlu bimbang kerana berdasarkan sejarah, banyak asteroid dan komet yang dikesan sebelum ini tidak sempat sampai ke bumi akibat merempuh objek lain di angkasa atau terkeluar daripada orbit,” katanya.Beliau berkata, Nasa mengesan lebih 1,000 asteroid dan komet yang terkeluar daripada kawasan sepatutnya, iaitu antara planet Marikh dan Musytari serta berhampiran planet Pluto, sekali gus mewujudkan kemungkinan berlanggar dengan bumi.“Namun, kes terburuk adalah asteroid yang jatuh di kawasan gurun di wilayah Tuguska, Siberia pada 1908 yang meratakan kawasan, termasuk memusnahkan tumbuh-tumbuhan di kawasan kira-kira 25 batu persegi,” katanya.Bagaimanapun, Dr Mohd Zambri tidak menafikan asteroid sebesar satu kilometer cukup untuk memusnahkan bumi berdasarkan impak daripada perlanggaran pada kelajuan tinggi.“Berbanding komet berais, asteroid pula berbatu, sekali gus mampu memberi kesan besar terhadap bumi jika berlaku perlanggaran kerana mampu menolak bumi keluar daripada orbitnya.“Apabila bumi terkeluar daripada orbitnya, ia akan ditarik ke arah matahari dan ini cukup berbahaya.Yang pasti, saintis dunia juga sentiasa mengambil langkah berjaga-jaga bagi memastikan sebarang maklumat awal mengenai segala kemungkinan yang berlaku di sistem cakerawala diperoleh,” katanya.Mengenai e-mel kononnya kiamat akan berlaku pada 1 Februari 2019 akibat 2002 NT7 melanggar bumi, Dr Mohd Zambri berkata, ia mungkin disebarkan pihak amatur dan bukan pakar astronomi.“Mereka beranggapan penyebarkan e-mel itu akan menyedarkan penduduk dunia mengenai apa akan berlaku, tetapi sebenarnya mereka hanya mencipta keadaan tidak tenteram berdasarkan fakta salah.“Pada masa ini tiada siapa dapat meramalkan kesan sebenar ditimbulkan 2002 NT7 kepada bumi,” katanya sambil menambah, e-mel itu juga mungkin disebarkan oleh pihak yang ada kepentingan tertentu.E-mel bertajuk ‘Start Enjoying Yourself’ itu mempunyai dua gambar, termasuk satu maklumat grafik yang kononnya menunjukkan kedudukan 2002 NT7 sekarang, selain satu gambar dipercayai menggunakan teknik pertindihan menunjukkan bumi dilanggar asteroid.Antara kata-kata dicatatkan di dalam e-mel itu ialah: “So, enjoy every moment of your life to the fullest extent...till Feb 1, 2019.” (Justeru, bergembiralah setiap saat di dalam hidup anda secara maksimum sehingga 1 Februari 2019).Ini kali kedua e-mel disebarkan secara meluas di negara ini mengenai kiamat. Tahun lalu, rakyat negara ini gempar dengan dakwaan kononnya kiamat akan berlaku ketika gerhana berpasangan Oktober lalu.Dr Mohd Zambri yang juga pakar astronomi berkata, dakyah yang disebarkan tahun lalu itu terbukti pembohongan dan hanya menjadi bahan ketawa mereka yang pakar di bidang berkaitan sistem cakerawala dan solar.“Gerhana berpasangan bukan luar biasa. Namun, ada pihak menjadikannya bahan untuk mewujudkan kebimbangan masyarakat dan lebih malang, mereka mengaitkannya dengan kiamat,” katanya.Sebelum ini, Mufti Perak, Datuk Seri Harussani Zakaria, ketika mengulas e-mel kiamat menjelang gerhana berpasangan itu berkata:“Hari kiamat perkara ghaib yang sebenarnya di bawah ilmu Allah. Sesiapa pun tidak tahu sedangkan nabi pun tidak tahu bila hari kiamat.“Banyak ramalan sedemikian dibuat dari semasa ke semasa dan dilakukan sejak zaman nabi, tetapi tidak pernah terjadi. Nabi pernah menyatakan tukang nujum itu bohong, walaupun ada kejadian yang betul tetapi ia hanya kebetulan,” katanya.Beliau berkata, penyebaran e-mel itu adalah perbuatan pihak ekstrem atau berniat memesongkan akidah umat Islam."
After reading the site, i decided to log on to NASA's website to see what the "real" story was perhaps NASA had a better explanation and this is what I had gathered .... http://neo.jpl.nasa.gov/news/news133.html"
Which goes to show that, the journalist and editors for Harian Metro did not check on the accuracy of the news , which could have been done by a simple check on NASA's website... now if everyone out there would have done what i did , and reported it back to harian metro , it would be a good reminder to those guys there to go back to their routes of journalism :D
"Kiamat 2019
Oleh ZAINUDDIN ZAIN dan ASMIZAN MOHD SAMIRANKUALA LUMPUR: Dunia akan kiamat pada 1 Februari 2019 akibat bumi dilanggar asteroid dikenali sebagai 2002 NT7! Ini adalah dakyah terbaru yang kini disebarkan secara meluas menerusi e-mel di internet.Lebih mendukacitakan, e-mel itu mengajak manusia di seluruh dunia untuk bergembira dan melakukan perkara untuk kepuasan diri mereka sehingga tarikh berkenaan.Pihak yang menyebarkan e-mel berkenaan mendakwa, kejadian yang bakal memusnah dan melenyapkan bumi daripada sistem cakerawala itu disahkan Pentadbiran Aeronautik dan Angkasa Negara (Nasa) di Amerika Syarikat (AS).Pakar astronomi negara ini mengakui kewujudan asteroid 2002 NT7, namun meminta orang ramai tidak terlalu bimbang sehingga mengganggu kehidupan seharian kerana banyak perkara mengenainya masih dipantau dan belum dipastikan.Pakar agama pula meminta umat Islam tidak terlalu mempercayai kiamat akan berlaku pada tarikh itu kerana dibimbangi akan menjejaskan akidah kerana kiamat adalah ketentuan Allah yang tidak diketahui manusia, termasuk Nabi Muhammad SAW.Pensyarah jurusan Fizik Angkasa Universiti Malaya (UM), Prof Dr Mohd Zambri Zainuddin, berkata walaupun asteroid 2002 NT7 dikesan saintis pada 9 Julai 2002, namun masih terlalu awal untuk mengesahkan ia pasti melanggar bumi pada 2019.“Tidak dinafikan mengikut jangkaan ia (2002 NT7) akan melanggar bumi pada 1 Februari 2019, tetapi ketika ini pakar astronomi di seluruh dunia, termasuk dari Nasa dan di Jepun, masih memantau perkembangan asteroid berkenaan.“Masih banyak perkara kita tidak tahu mengenai asteroid itu, termasuk saiz dan orbitnya. Malah, pada masa ini Nasa meletakkan 2002 NT7 sebagai ‘low impact risk’ (risiko perlanggaran rendah).“Hanya antara satu hingga dua tahun sebelum tarikh jangkaan ia akan melanggar bumi, baru kita akan mendapat maklumat lengkap mengenai asteroid itu dan kesan sebenarnya terhadap bumi,” katanya.Dr Mohd Zambri yang juga Timbalan Dekan Fakulti Sains UM berkata, pada masa itu juga, banyak perkara boleh dilakukan terhadap asteroid itu, termasuk menembaknya menggunakan roket atau peluru berpandu supaya hanya serpihannya menimpa bumi.“Kita tidak dapat menolak keluar asteroid ini daripada orbitnya. Kalau ia hendak melanggar bumi, kita tidak akan dapat menyekatnya, tetapi yang dapat kita lakukan ialah meminimumkan kesan perlanggaran.“Bagaimanapun, kita tidak perlu bimbang kerana berdasarkan sejarah, banyak asteroid dan komet yang dikesan sebelum ini tidak sempat sampai ke bumi akibat merempuh objek lain di angkasa atau terkeluar daripada orbit,” katanya.Beliau berkata, Nasa mengesan lebih 1,000 asteroid dan komet yang terkeluar daripada kawasan sepatutnya, iaitu antara planet Marikh dan Musytari serta berhampiran planet Pluto, sekali gus mewujudkan kemungkinan berlanggar dengan bumi.“Namun, kes terburuk adalah asteroid yang jatuh di kawasan gurun di wilayah Tuguska, Siberia pada 1908 yang meratakan kawasan, termasuk memusnahkan tumbuh-tumbuhan di kawasan kira-kira 25 batu persegi,” katanya.Bagaimanapun, Dr Mohd Zambri tidak menafikan asteroid sebesar satu kilometer cukup untuk memusnahkan bumi berdasarkan impak daripada perlanggaran pada kelajuan tinggi.“Berbanding komet berais, asteroid pula berbatu, sekali gus mampu memberi kesan besar terhadap bumi jika berlaku perlanggaran kerana mampu menolak bumi keluar daripada orbitnya.“Apabila bumi terkeluar daripada orbitnya, ia akan ditarik ke arah matahari dan ini cukup berbahaya.Yang pasti, saintis dunia juga sentiasa mengambil langkah berjaga-jaga bagi memastikan sebarang maklumat awal mengenai segala kemungkinan yang berlaku di sistem cakerawala diperoleh,” katanya.Mengenai e-mel kononnya kiamat akan berlaku pada 1 Februari 2019 akibat 2002 NT7 melanggar bumi, Dr Mohd Zambri berkata, ia mungkin disebarkan pihak amatur dan bukan pakar astronomi.“Mereka beranggapan penyebarkan e-mel itu akan menyedarkan penduduk dunia mengenai apa akan berlaku, tetapi sebenarnya mereka hanya mencipta keadaan tidak tenteram berdasarkan fakta salah.“Pada masa ini tiada siapa dapat meramalkan kesan sebenar ditimbulkan 2002 NT7 kepada bumi,” katanya sambil menambah, e-mel itu juga mungkin disebarkan oleh pihak yang ada kepentingan tertentu.E-mel bertajuk ‘Start Enjoying Yourself’ itu mempunyai dua gambar, termasuk satu maklumat grafik yang kononnya menunjukkan kedudukan 2002 NT7 sekarang, selain satu gambar dipercayai menggunakan teknik pertindihan menunjukkan bumi dilanggar asteroid.Antara kata-kata dicatatkan di dalam e-mel itu ialah: “So, enjoy every moment of your life to the fullest extent...till Feb 1, 2019.” (Justeru, bergembiralah setiap saat di dalam hidup anda secara maksimum sehingga 1 Februari 2019).Ini kali kedua e-mel disebarkan secara meluas di negara ini mengenai kiamat. Tahun lalu, rakyat negara ini gempar dengan dakwaan kononnya kiamat akan berlaku ketika gerhana berpasangan Oktober lalu.Dr Mohd Zambri yang juga pakar astronomi berkata, dakyah yang disebarkan tahun lalu itu terbukti pembohongan dan hanya menjadi bahan ketawa mereka yang pakar di bidang berkaitan sistem cakerawala dan solar.“Gerhana berpasangan bukan luar biasa. Namun, ada pihak menjadikannya bahan untuk mewujudkan kebimbangan masyarakat dan lebih malang, mereka mengaitkannya dengan kiamat,” katanya.Sebelum ini, Mufti Perak, Datuk Seri Harussani Zakaria, ketika mengulas e-mel kiamat menjelang gerhana berpasangan itu berkata:“Hari kiamat perkara ghaib yang sebenarnya di bawah ilmu Allah. Sesiapa pun tidak tahu sedangkan nabi pun tidak tahu bila hari kiamat.“Banyak ramalan sedemikian dibuat dari semasa ke semasa dan dilakukan sejak zaman nabi, tetapi tidak pernah terjadi. Nabi pernah menyatakan tukang nujum itu bohong, walaupun ada kejadian yang betul tetapi ia hanya kebetulan,” katanya.Beliau berkata, penyebaran e-mel itu adalah perbuatan pihak ekstrem atau berniat memesongkan akidah umat Islam."
After reading the site, i decided to log on to NASA's website to see what the "real" story was perhaps NASA had a better explanation and this is what I had gathered .... http://neo.jpl.nasa.gov/news/news133.html"
Which goes to show that, the journalist and editors for Harian Metro did not check on the accuracy of the news , which could have been done by a simple check on NASA's website... now if everyone out there would have done what i did , and reported it back to harian metro , it would be a good reminder to those guys there to go back to their routes of journalism :D
Tuesday, February 28
Events ...
Yes yes I admit , I haven't been blogging much .... well here is a summary of what's been taking place in my life in the recent weeks ....
1. Roopy made it to KL in one piece :D thou delayed (nothing un-usual) and extended her stay (again nothing un-usual) we had loads of fun... missing her loads even as i type this entry out
2. Classes resumed two of my lecturers are okie , however there is 1 lecturer that seems to be getting on my nerves and if nothing is done, im afraid ill get a heart attack soon
3. I saw someone I wished I hadnt' seen while roopy was in KL .... yes she tried reasoning things out to me and so did reena however, fact still remained that it hurt .... still does probably always will
4. Today is my last day in BSD sigh, 11 years worth of wonderful memories ... memories i will forever treasure ....
1. Roopy made it to KL in one piece :D thou delayed (nothing un-usual) and extended her stay (again nothing un-usual) we had loads of fun... missing her loads even as i type this entry out
2. Classes resumed two of my lecturers are okie , however there is 1 lecturer that seems to be getting on my nerves and if nothing is done, im afraid ill get a heart attack soon
3. I saw someone I wished I hadnt' seen while roopy was in KL .... yes she tried reasoning things out to me and so did reena however, fact still remained that it hurt .... still does probably always will
4. Today is my last day in BSD sigh, 11 years worth of wonderful memories ... memories i will forever treasure ....
Tuesday, February 14
Rang De Basanti
A movie that has captured the heart soul and mind of millions of indians around the world from the UK's to Malaysia ...not because of the brilliant actors that seemed to have slipped into the roles they played, but because the movie deals with what an indian would go through in india, and the irony is this happens to citizens in every country.. how their voices have been surpressed by the goverment and how we have all learnt with time to adjust to these situations, its a story of 5 friends and how they wanted to make a difference in the world, its a modern version of the many Bhagat Singh movies we've seen over the last couple of years....
Bhagat Singh, a known hero in the eyes of many indians accross the world , for it was he who had the strength to fight the English then, it was he who gave thousands of others the vision of seeing an independant India , he wasnt the only one who had that vision of an independant India along with him were Chandrashekar Azad , Rajguru, Sukhdev, Ram Prasad Bismil and countless others ... together these were the real hero's in the 1920's ...
Rang De Basanti made me realize alot of things today, and that is in the true words of the scriptwriter "no country is perfect, but it is us citizens who have to perfect it with time, if there is corruption we fight i;t not with war , not with blood , but with honesty ... join the police if you must, be a politician to get your views across if you must, but dont blaime your country for who you are today, because the first step towards a better country starts with you" we often blaime everyone except ourselves for the things that take place on a daily basis... although i do agree that it would be impossible to get our voices accross but truly the first step towards a better country or world takes a single step which Bhagat Singh, Chandrashekar Azad, Udham Singh, Sukhdev, Ram Prasad Bismil and Rajguru took years before India or even Malaysia had dreamt of Independence ......
Bhagat Singh, a known hero in the eyes of many indians accross the world , for it was he who had the strength to fight the English then, it was he who gave thousands of others the vision of seeing an independant India , he wasnt the only one who had that vision of an independant India along with him were Chandrashekar Azad , Rajguru, Sukhdev, Ram Prasad Bismil and countless others ... together these were the real hero's in the 1920's ...
Rang De Basanti made me realize alot of things today, and that is in the true words of the scriptwriter "no country is perfect, but it is us citizens who have to perfect it with time, if there is corruption we fight i;t not with war , not with blood , but with honesty ... join the police if you must, be a politician to get your views across if you must, but dont blaime your country for who you are today, because the first step towards a better country starts with you" we often blaime everyone except ourselves for the things that take place on a daily basis... although i do agree that it would be impossible to get our voices accross but truly the first step towards a better country or world takes a single step which Bhagat Singh, Chandrashekar Azad, Udham Singh, Sukhdev, Ram Prasad Bismil and Rajguru took years before India or even Malaysia had dreamt of Independence ......
Thursday, February 9
Of parting with friends
Early last year until perhaps sometime around october , I was convinced that tomorrow I would fly to Perth, Australia to finish up the remaining 3 semesters of my bachelors program. Initially when it had first started out, I was excited about the prospect of flying with Airin and Prema my two classmates who I've shared so much with during my last semester. As time passed, as much as there was excitement there was also fear, mostly of not doing well and adapting to new surroundings but I guess what scared me the most was taking up a huge amount of my parents life saving for my bachelors. I remained brave until the day we had the first pre-depature briefing, when I learnt that a good amount of money had to be paid in advance if I wanted to secure a seat in Murdoch, my parents were perhaps a little hesitant with my decision then to go to Murdoch especially since it was a semester earlier then I had actually planned... but nevertheless they gave me the support that I needed... but somehow I couldn't see myself taking such a big step, especially when I wasnt sure how well I would do in my then current semester, and paying a huge amount in advance and not being sure of the results was taking a huge risk, and I did not want to take that risk not knowing what was ahead of me. Then there were talks of a 3+0 murdoch program which a lot of the students had opted for, so after looking through the pro's and con's I decided to jump in the bandwagon and wait for the 3+0 program, it was still a risk nevertheless because there weren't any confirmations on when the program would begin but it would allow me to save some amount of money and perhaps be a little more independant...
Tomorrow 10th Febuary 2006, my two friends along with the rest of my classmates will be leaving the country to persue the final year in Murdoch University in their respective majors... I had met them briefly yesterday, to say our goodbyes and catch up on a few things before they bid farewell to Malaysia... I couldn't stop my tears .. yet I wasn't sure why I was crying to even begin with ... was it because I was being left behind? was it because I would miss them and the times we'd spent together , was it because things were not going to be the same again for me in class? It could be one or it could be all of those reasons above, yet it was a decision I had made for my life... mom want's me to transfer in July saying that I should expirence life and learn alot more then just being a good daughter or at the very least trying to be a good daughter at home.... however the decision is yet to be made... for now Room 308 will not be the same again, there will not be front row gossips with the laptop chicks (Airin and Me and then Prema joined in the laptop chicks group) , no more Tuesday and Thursday long break movies in 1Utmama , no more Group presentations with Airin which somehow we made an excellent team I think .... whatever said and done ... Airin and Prema were the 2 classmates that made me realize what friendship is truly about, being there for each other .... and accpeting me for the person that I was ... or rather became with their help ...
Tomorrow 10th Febuary 2006, my two friends along with the rest of my classmates will be leaving the country to persue the final year in Murdoch University in their respective majors... I had met them briefly yesterday, to say our goodbyes and catch up on a few things before they bid farewell to Malaysia... I couldn't stop my tears .. yet I wasn't sure why I was crying to even begin with ... was it because I was being left behind? was it because I would miss them and the times we'd spent together , was it because things were not going to be the same again for me in class? It could be one or it could be all of those reasons above, yet it was a decision I had made for my life... mom want's me to transfer in July saying that I should expirence life and learn alot more then just being a good daughter or at the very least trying to be a good daughter at home.... however the decision is yet to be made... for now Room 308 will not be the same again, there will not be front row gossips with the laptop chicks (Airin and Me and then Prema joined in the laptop chicks group) , no more Tuesday and Thursday long break movies in 1Utmama , no more Group presentations with Airin which somehow we made an excellent team I think .... whatever said and done ... Airin and Prema were the 2 classmates that made me realize what friendship is truly about, being there for each other .... and accpeting me for the person that I was ... or rather became with their help ...
Saturday, February 4
feelings ......
when i ended things with him on december 30th 2005, i never thought it'd be so hard for me, there were times during that period when i had prayed that he would text me, or call me asking me to nt walk away the way i did..but as weeks passed i realized that he probably wanted me to leave, just like how everyone else has. i received a text from him on the 29th of jan asking me why i hadnt' kept in touch with him or if everything was okie for me. thou hurt and crushed with memories of the past, i choose to remain calm and told myself that "dimpy, be strong why cry later? when he' only going to leave at the end?, its best that you cry now and be strong later" with that i made myself all stronger and even sent him a rude text, hoping the msg would get across.
yesterday, as i was having lunch with mom in pj i turned around to take a look at this pool table with a score board next to it, and for a moment time stood still. there was a name scribbled on the board with his name on it, perhaps it wasnt his name, perhaps it was someone else who was also adressed by that name, all thoughts came bk to me... and i broke down in tears in the car...... and that is when mom looked at me and she understood the pain i was going through..... there are times when i wished i had never met him, there are times when i wish i would have igonred him just like i have igonred others in the virtual world.. there are times when i wish i had never believed a word he had said.......... was this supposed to be some lesson of life that i was to learn? what did he teach me? that love hurts ? that love is just a game to be played? and that marriage is of convinence ?
why couldn't he for a moment see how i felt? why couldnt he understand the pain ive been through ... why didnt he realize that no matter how far in life i go, no matter what happens to me or where i end up in life, he would probably be the only one my heart yearns for? it hurts and it hurts real bad, they say time is the biggest healer........ but how am i to heal when i know that every step i take somewhere something will remind me of him, and there is this fright in me that we'll bump into each other now that i spend most of my time in PJ. I wish i had answeres , i wish i had the solution .... but above and beyond all i wish he was mine, thou dreams never come true....... especially not mine
yesterday, as i was having lunch with mom in pj i turned around to take a look at this pool table with a score board next to it, and for a moment time stood still. there was a name scribbled on the board with his name on it, perhaps it wasnt his name, perhaps it was someone else who was also adressed by that name, all thoughts came bk to me... and i broke down in tears in the car...... and that is when mom looked at me and she understood the pain i was going through..... there are times when i wished i had never met him, there are times when i wish i would have igonred him just like i have igonred others in the virtual world.. there are times when i wish i had never believed a word he had said.......... was this supposed to be some lesson of life that i was to learn? what did he teach me? that love hurts ? that love is just a game to be played? and that marriage is of convinence ?
why couldn't he for a moment see how i felt? why couldnt he understand the pain ive been through ... why didnt he realize that no matter how far in life i go, no matter what happens to me or where i end up in life, he would probably be the only one my heart yearns for? it hurts and it hurts real bad, they say time is the biggest healer........ but how am i to heal when i know that every step i take somewhere something will remind me of him, and there is this fright in me that we'll bump into each other now that i spend most of my time in PJ. I wish i had answeres , i wish i had the solution .... but above and beyond all i wish he was mine, thou dreams never come true....... especially not mine
Wednesday, January 18
Headaches are horrible...
yes that's right they are .... been suffering from headaches the last couple of days not only does it hurt my head feels really heavy and im been taking 1 to many 250mg ponstans with hot cups of tea!! and the darm thing isnt going anywhere!!! bleah! I know i shoudnt be in front of the pc while having this nagging pain but then i cant quite sleep .... the weather is just getting to me its horribly HOT!!!! bleah... okie enuff of rants im off to take another cold shower and just close my eyes for abit ..
Its time ..
that I start standing up for what I feel and not being stepped over by everyone especially not a kid who doesnt understand the facts of life and wants to have it her way or no way at all...
yesterday she pulled the last straw when she started lashing her anger out at me for no apprarent reason, while i know that she may be facing some sort of problems at home or with her personal life, but taking it out on someone else who was trying to be friendly doesnt quite fit the bill... mom has told me time and again to just stop talking to her, since she's done this to met several times but all along i felt that maybe she'll jst change with time , but i finally realized a dogs tail can never be straight... with that i decided that enough is enough and im not going to take her non-sense no more!!
on a side note i present to you my boo!! :D
yesterday she pulled the last straw when she started lashing her anger out at me for no apprarent reason, while i know that she may be facing some sort of problems at home or with her personal life, but taking it out on someone else who was trying to be friendly doesnt quite fit the bill... mom has told me time and again to just stop talking to her, since she's done this to met several times but all along i felt that maybe she'll jst change with time , but i finally realized a dogs tail can never be straight... with that i decided that enough is enough and im not going to take her non-sense no more!!
on a side note i present to you my boo!! :D
Tuesday, January 3
3 days....
into 2006, and Im feeling better then before hehe perhaps its just that motivational pep talk i keep giving myself, but whatever said and done ... I FEEL FANTASTIC!! , been working out alot (heh! its about time ler.... after no boy want me abit teh susah then) been practising on my driving alot (yes yes im getting better each day) but above all I'm feeling free, free from any sort of feeling that would tie me down; dont get me wrong , i love being in a relationship and all but at the same time i want to be in a relationship with the right person for the right reasons, until and unless that person does not come my way i aint goona budge!!! got another session at the gym tomoro hopefully i'll be able to make it! in fact i want to be able to make it !! time to get in shape and turn some heads :D
Saturday, December 31
it's almost time
With less then an hour and a half to go, I finally bid farewell to 2005. I've learnt alot this year more so about myself and how capable I am of doing things I never thought I was able to do.
Today we transported some of the stuff to PJ, it was heartbreaking to see the house get emptier by the minute, but there is nothing I can do now, except prove the world wrong in every aspect and manner.
I sold my piano today, something that has always been part of my life - my music. Mom felt it more then me, after all it was her dream to see her daughter play the piano , and play I did.
I may not have reached the tops but I went somewhere with it. I can proudly tell myself I completed my grade 5 both for both theory and practical, thou i hardly remember much of it now.
It felt good in someways knowing that the new owners had a gift in music, and they'd be able to do justice to the piano and perhaps even give it "life".
Alot of mixed emotions are going through me at this point of time, Im trying to be brave; but it seems impossible nevertheless I shall have to try.
Tomorrow I shall begin a fresh new start for myself, I shall try and forget everything of the past especially those that have caused tears in mylife , as known its usually easier said then done but in my case it will have to be done. My only hope is that GOD guides me through this journey, just like HE has in the past ... and HE gives me the strength that I need to achieve my parents dreams.
Goodbye 2005, thank you for giving me a gift ever so precious that I'll forever be grateful for.
Today we transported some of the stuff to PJ, it was heartbreaking to see the house get emptier by the minute, but there is nothing I can do now, except prove the world wrong in every aspect and manner.
I sold my piano today, something that has always been part of my life - my music. Mom felt it more then me, after all it was her dream to see her daughter play the piano , and play I did.
I may not have reached the tops but I went somewhere with it. I can proudly tell myself I completed my grade 5 both for both theory and practical, thou i hardly remember much of it now.
It felt good in someways knowing that the new owners had a gift in music, and they'd be able to do justice to the piano and perhaps even give it "life".
Alot of mixed emotions are going through me at this point of time, Im trying to be brave; but it seems impossible nevertheless I shall have to try.
Tomorrow I shall begin a fresh new start for myself, I shall try and forget everything of the past especially those that have caused tears in mylife , as known its usually easier said then done but in my case it will have to be done. My only hope is that GOD guides me through this journey, just like HE has in the past ... and HE gives me the strength that I need to achieve my parents dreams.
Goodbye 2005, thank you for giving me a gift ever so precious that I'll forever be grateful for.
Friday, December 30
Yeh Raat....
yeh raat khush naseeb hai jo aapne chand ko
akele mu(h) chupai rooh rahi hai
yaha(n) toh ghum ki sahej per humari aarzo
muh chupai rooh raahi hai
saathi maine paake tujhe khoya
kaise hai yeh aapna naseeb
tujhseh bichard gaaye mein toh
yaadein teri haan kareeb
tu meri wafaao(n) mein
tu mer i sedhaon mein
tu meri duaao(n) mein
kaatati nahin hai meri raatein
kaatate nahin hai mere din
mere saare sapne adhure
zindagi aadhuri tere bin
khawabon mein nigahon mein
pyar ki penaahon mein
aah chupale baahon mein
yeh raat khush naseeb hai jo aapne chand ko
akele mu(h) chupai rooh rahi hai
yaha(n) toh ghum ki sahej per humari aarzo
muh chupai rooh raahi hai
akele mu(h) chupai rooh rahi hai
yaha(n) toh ghum ki sahej per humari aarzo
muh chupai rooh raahi hai
A chapter in my life Closed ....
On December 30th 2005, i finally told myself that what ever V and me shared was never there to begin with, I waited a year ...... perhaps a lil more then a year but no amount of waiting made him realize that we could be together for all he could think off was the grass that was greener in UK, who could blame him? with the currency exchange i'd be nuts about that place myself...
So after I hung up the phone on him earlier , i finally gathered the nerve to text him with these 2 messages...
"dont wait to long i may not be here for long, ive waited a year and honestly i can wait no more. no matter how much ive cared, ive only been a waste of air and as time goes by i realized you never really cared or were there. happy new year V its the end , thank you for everything and i hope you'll remember me as i will to"
" i am tired ... and you're looking forward to your new life, wish you all the sucess and happiness you deserve. I wish you'd felt the same way i did for you, but maybe i was never meant to be with someone as perfect as you. and i prayed and hoped things would change bt it nvr did. take care rishi kapoor and thanks for coming into my life for the time and moment that you did"
with that, i ended everything with the one person that i could have possibly been the happiest person with , but im sure HE has something else instore for me .... and im not going to go againts HIM soo i'll wait and see who is that one person who'll accept me for who i am and love me for the way ill always be ......
So after I hung up the phone on him earlier , i finally gathered the nerve to text him with these 2 messages...
"dont wait to long i may not be here for long, ive waited a year and honestly i can wait no more. no matter how much ive cared, ive only been a waste of air and as time goes by i realized you never really cared or were there. happy new year V its the end , thank you for everything and i hope you'll remember me as i will to"
" i am tired ... and you're looking forward to your new life, wish you all the sucess and happiness you deserve. I wish you'd felt the same way i did for you, but maybe i was never meant to be with someone as perfect as you. and i prayed and hoped things would change bt it nvr did. take care rishi kapoor and thanks for coming into my life for the time and moment that you did"
with that, i ended everything with the one person that i could have possibly been the happiest person with , but im sure HE has something else instore for me .... and im not going to go againts HIM soo i'll wait and see who is that one person who'll accept me for who i am and love me for the way ill always be ......
Wednesday, December 28
Guilt
I'm turning 25 in May, and what have I done to make my parents proud in the last 25 years of my birth ? the answer would be plain and blunt NOTHING , at the age that I am now i should be able to give them a bigger roof over their head, be able to pay their bills , take over all the house responsibliites; instead all ive done is rob them from everything that they've owned... i took their roof away from them for my education.... ive increased their bills through most parts of my life with my extensive phone bills and tuition fees etc.... after 24 years today i feel like a COMPLETE FAILURE and this hit me while i was watching this movie waqt on tv2. I pray to the heavens above that I'll be able to give them all that they deserve and even more then that in the coming years ... and there is only 1 wish that GOD grants them both a long and healthy life so that i'd be able to make thier dreams come true .... or rather make my dreams for them come true
Monday, December 26
Moving.....
When i was younger , moving was something that always made me happy .. for me as much as it was about leaving old friends, it was also about making new discoveries, it was about adapting to new situations and it was all about learning.
As days pass, my time in my home is coming to and end, by mid january we would already be moving out of here, but this time around I am not happy at all, in fact as days past I cry myself to sleep because I have collected 1o years worth of memories from this place i call home. Sure I'll be going to a place that has often been home to me (grandma's place) but thats not where i belong, i belong with my parents in my own home.
I remember the time we got the keys to this house , I was 14 then .... I remember that warm sunny evening that we washed the house , i remember that i convinently forgot to remind my parents i had tution that day , I remember playing in the water .. (yes i am still a kid in every sense ;P ) I remember the Sukhmani Sahib prayers we had the next day with family and very close friends. I remember having my favourite friends over during our muzium trip; Adeline, Eliza, Priscillia they used to hang out here often during school days.. I remember the House Warming party we had , and our first diwali party ..... I remember getting most of my results here ........
Over the last 10 years , every bit of memory makes me shed a tear ...... everytime i take a look around my room which was my only get away place when things went rough ..... i see stickers that i have on the wall , posters on my wardrobe , Motivational Notes pasted everywhere with things like "SPM 7 A'S " " PMR 7 A'S" not like i got those A's hehehe but they're jst part of me ......
I never thought or knew that it would be so hard to leave this place i call home .......but then i suppose life is about moving on ..... and looking for better oppurtunities ..... and me ? I'm hoping to give my parents back a home soon .......... its the first thing on my list after I graduate , and if i get the Astro Scolarship it'll be a reality in no time .......
As days pass, my time in my home is coming to and end, by mid january we would already be moving out of here, but this time around I am not happy at all, in fact as days past I cry myself to sleep because I have collected 1o years worth of memories from this place i call home. Sure I'll be going to a place that has often been home to me (grandma's place) but thats not where i belong, i belong with my parents in my own home.
I remember the time we got the keys to this house , I was 14 then .... I remember that warm sunny evening that we washed the house , i remember that i convinently forgot to remind my parents i had tution that day , I remember playing in the water .. (yes i am still a kid in every sense ;P ) I remember the Sukhmani Sahib prayers we had the next day with family and very close friends. I remember having my favourite friends over during our muzium trip; Adeline, Eliza, Priscillia they used to hang out here often during school days.. I remember the House Warming party we had , and our first diwali party ..... I remember getting most of my results here ........
Over the last 10 years , every bit of memory makes me shed a tear ...... everytime i take a look around my room which was my only get away place when things went rough ..... i see stickers that i have on the wall , posters on my wardrobe , Motivational Notes pasted everywhere with things like "SPM 7 A'S " " PMR 7 A'S" not like i got those A's hehehe but they're jst part of me ......
I never thought or knew that it would be so hard to leave this place i call home .......but then i suppose life is about moving on ..... and looking for better oppurtunities ..... and me ? I'm hoping to give my parents back a home soon .......... its the first thing on my list after I graduate , and if i get the Astro Scolarship it'll be a reality in no time .......
Monday, December 19
Down and Out
It's one of those days again where I am feeling totally down and out ... don't know if its the hormons or something else , my guess is its something else ... haven't spoken to V for quite sometime now ... did get a glimpse of him the other day while i went for my refreshers course ... while I tell myself the best thing to do is move on and forget the love that I have for him that has grown over the year; there is this part of me that does not want to give up hope.
I know he is leaving for UK in a matter of 6 months and I know for a fact seeing him before he leaves is unlikely to happen.... there is a part of me that wants him to be happy in UK and find that one that will give him his happiness there and then there is that selfish side of me that wants him to come back and be with me for eternity(thou like i said its highly impossible) but one can still hope right?
What's worst is I coudnt not get hold of him over the phone for some reason, I kept getting this short beep tones ; which could be due to network failure ...not sure on that thou; sighhhhhhhh *frowns*
Hope whatever I am feeling right now fades away fast , its starting to take a toll on me ....
On the side, been going back to the gym again , trying my best to keep and stick to the routines this time ; hopefully i stick through it got another session on Wednesday at 3pm
I know he is leaving for UK in a matter of 6 months and I know for a fact seeing him before he leaves is unlikely to happen.... there is a part of me that wants him to be happy in UK and find that one that will give him his happiness there and then there is that selfish side of me that wants him to come back and be with me for eternity(thou like i said its highly impossible) but one can still hope right?
What's worst is I coudnt not get hold of him over the phone for some reason, I kept getting this short beep tones ; which could be due to network failure ...not sure on that thou; sighhhhhhhh *frowns*
Hope whatever I am feeling right now fades away fast , its starting to take a toll on me ....
On the side, been going back to the gym again , trying my best to keep and stick to the routines this time ; hopefully i stick through it got another session on Wednesday at 3pm
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