Sunday, May 21

Random Thoughts

What if Shakespere were right?
That all of the World is the Stage, and the people are mere actors.Each playing its role while HE who the world addresses(sp?) as GOD is the director if the World's play.
Isn't it ironic how when one studies numerology and astrology they at one point or another explain the individuals that we are or certain traits through the date/time/ place of our birth and true the name we've been given at birth.
If these data's make up the answers we attain through astrology and numeorology , that would you agree that we were born to receive that name.
The traits that we accquire is based on the name we've been given?
It sound's mind boggling and perhaps does not make much sense to those who do not beleive in destiny.
I was sitting the other day and it suddenly occured to me ....
Do a little test on your own.
Log on to this http://aryabhatt.com and register for it, look at the different reading you can attain. It may no have to be 100% accurate or it need not have to apply directly to you. But you may be amazed at what you gather , just as what I gathred through mine.

an excerpt of my prediction:

This child was born in the first part of Punarvasu Constellation. Her birth sign is Gemini and her sign lord is Mercury. According to the Constellation, she belongs to Gana Deva, Marjar Yoni, Marjar Varga, Adya Nadi and Shoodra Varna. According to the part of the Constellation, her name should start with 'ke' as in Keshar Singh, Keval Kumar etc. She will be a very quiet and peaceful person. Her patient nature will prevent her from panicking in a troublesome situation. It will enable her to face them with courage and confidence. She will be very popular in society and will never lack wealth, prosperity or luxuries.

Busy bee me

First off, I must applogise for not having bloged for the past week. Recent events left me a little unable to do much.

On Monday, I got into an accident on my way back from Uni.

How it happened?
I was driving back to grandma's place ... and I usually avoid using the Seksyen 16 road back because of the horrible jam. Somehow on Monday I took to the Seksyen 16 road thinking that classes had ended earlier then usual and I could beat the Jam.
Driving through the curvy raod along Seksyen 16, a Gen 2 in front of me brake'd and I followed in suit, not keeping my distance from the Gen 2. When out of no where , a Proton Wira hit the back of my car.. When I finally realized what had happened, and got out of the car .. I realized that there were 5 other cars involved.
The guy who hit my car was applogetic enough, and he explained that he had braked in time , but it was the car behind him that knocked into his car.
All said and done, the car suffered quite abit of damage which is now in the workshop being repaired. Estimated cost RM1500. Thank god for insurance and 3rd party claim.
Me? I suffered a somewhat serious concussion, was in a daze for a couple of days while running aronud and getting things sorted out since dad had fractured his wrist. It was upto me to get things sorted out.


To top that off, I've got my finals coming up.
I've got two assignments to hand in on Monday and Wednesday plus Journalism exam on Wednesday morning.
I've managed to cope with all of it with the grace of Waheguru. It's amazing how I am still able to do everything while being under so much stress. I guess I have learnt over the time to juggle things, knowing that I am responsible for mom and dad.


I better get back to my politics paper! still have about 1200 words to go , so far Mrs Tan said I am on the right track , I just need to add in a few more theories from the reader. I guess that's about all the update for now...

Oh I think my cycst may have grown again , been having this giddy spells and sharp pulls on my right ovary. Cant' get it checked now coz of all the exams. Will get it checked before I go off to Cyberjaya!

Monday, May 15

Update

Ok post birthday entry.

Dad got into an accident, nothing major but still for his age it didnt seem really good. He fractured and dislocated his wrist bone. Good thing is he'll be able to get all the rest he needs, bad thing is he's being grumpy about everything *bleah*

With all of this, I managed to finish my media campaign *pats my self on the head* yeap yeap after weeks of slogging and no proper sleep , finally handed it in on Saturday. With that handed in, I've got my Media , Politics and Public Life 2nd assignment due and also Priniciples of Journalism's feature story. *bleah* Good thing? My last 2 assignments will be done by the 22nd of May *YIPPPIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE* Bad thing? I'm goona miss KDU and everything about it ... I can hardly believe I'm almost done in KDU.


Wicked witch of the West, East,North and South a.k.a my grandmother is being a major major major pain (nothing new) hehehehe. I'm just waiting for the apartment to complete which should be done in about 3 months *counts finger May- August * yeap yeap correct 3 months ...

Menu has been sending me the wedding pictures... its really fantastic to see Melin all dressed up .. sad bit we werent there :( oh well ... at least she had the most important people in her life with her .. her family and grandmothers.

Saturday went out with Reena ... went to maam maam BURGER KING!! :D hehehe me had french chicken. Swear to GOD that is as close as I can ever get to heaven :D and I also had COKEEEEEEE oops I know nt supposed to but hehehehehehehehe I deserve a teeny weeny treat right ? *yeap yeap thought so too :P *

Okie dokie ... me off to class now ... getting my 2nd assignment back for Principles of Journalism. I am praying really really hard that I didnt fail the paper. Oh year Should be getting Media Audiences 1st assignment back as well... I am shit scared about how that turned out ... Beth may fail me :( I pray she doesnt thou. I put in a lot of hard work for that paper... in fact I've put in a lot of hard work for all my papers this semester. Should I fail any .. I'd be a wreck!!!!

Ta'!

Monday, May 8

I turned 25 ..

yes ... today I am 25 , so happy birthday to me! hehehe .. this year's birthday was different, no not in the bad sense different .. despite the arguments with mom last week, my birthday turned out to be more then what i had expected it to be. Considering the fact that i'd be busy today and dad gets back rather late from work, mom and dad had decided that they'd take me out for dinner yesterday rather then today. After 6 years i went to fatty crab! hehehe and i loved it !!! enjoying every bit of the hot and sour crabs :)) , chicken wings :))) , fried rice :) , anddddd COKE :)))))) !!!! HEHEHEHEHE . I also purchased a DVD which i intend to watch later on :P .
After dinner , while walking in tmn megah pasar malam i came accross this stall that sells car accesories and mom and dad knew i was going to stop there because i'd seen what i'd been looking for all along PATRICK CAR ACCESORRIES AT CHEAP PRICE :D :D . So I spent a lil bit of the 100 ringgit daddy gave me for my birthday :P , and got myself a pair of PATRICK seat belt covers with a slot to put phone in and also PATRICK cushion for the front seat :D :D :D !!! i wanted to get the whole set,but then mom said it wudnt look nice, so i didnt get the extra patrick stuff.

When i got online i'd received friendster testimonials and also messages from close friends :) at sharp 12 airin called from perth to wish me , i was trully touched .. never in a gazzilion years did i expect her to remember my birthday , we spoke for abit .. while talking to her Prema messaged me on MSN wishing me ... as soon as I'd put the phone down on Airin(airin i misss juuuuuuu) , Gupz called ! hahaha i never thot he'd remember .. well he did asking me wht i wanted .. i tld him to go figure it out wakakkaakaka .... the entire today ive been getting text msg's after text msg's ... REENA on the other hand made me smile the entire day hehehehehe coz i'd received about 4 cards plus countless online messages wishing me :D mwahsssssss reena i lub ju!!!!!!!!

Since i didnt want a birthday cake this year, dad brought back a small packet of barfi mch to my surprise ... so yes overall this year has brought me alot of joy .. because i wasnt expecting anything .. instead i got calls and messages from everyone dear and near .. including the wicked witch who pretended she'd remembered but forgot this morning how lame :P , bt i got 10 ringgit (nothing new ... 25 years down the line and i still get 10 ringgit :P , nanaji also gave me 10 ringgit :D :D :D :D :D )
So im rich! and Im happy coz ... meeeeeeeeeeeeeee got so many ppl who remember me burfday!!!! :D yippie dippie dooo!!

(from now on, i shall try to behave like a 25 year old instead of seven) ahem ^-^ *cough cough*



THE GROWN UP LADY SHALL SAY GOOD BYE NOW AND GO ENJOY HER KICAP CHICKEN WITH POTATO made by her mummy for her on her burfday!

Wednesday, May 3

Frustration.. A Letter to my MOTHER!

No matter how much I try to do things right, I seem to just fail almost as if I've own the title of being a failure.
What was so wrong if I had wanted to go out with reena, and I did not want her to get that stare from nani just like the stare that she gave aunty bansi yesterday?!?
Reena is the only person who has been a true friend to me; she's done nothing but be there for me in all my times of needs! even when you turned your back on me and said "I WANT MY HOUSE BACK, CAN YOU GET IT BACK FOR ME?" Ive done everything I can to prove that i have changed and that I no longer am the same person, yet everyday of my life you remind me that I HAVE TO BARE ALL THAT HAPPENS BECAUSE I PUT YOU HERE! HOW MANY TIMES IN A DAY DO I HAVE TO BE REMINDED THAT I TOOK URE HOUSE FROM YOU, YOU NEED NOT EMPHASISE ON THE OBVIOUS! I KNOW I TOOK YOUR HOUSE, I KNOW I AM A LEECH AT THE AGE OF 25 YOU DONT HAVE TO REMIND ME DAILY! YOU DONT HAVE TO ASK FOR A BREAKDOWN OF MY SPENDINGS AND REMIND ME THAT IM DEPENDANT! YOU DONT HAVE TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A FAILURE BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW I AM! I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS FACT ALL MY LIFE! DONT YOU THINK IT ALREADY TORTURES ME ENOUGH?!?? WHY DO YOU NEED TO TORTURE ME MORE ? I GET SYNICAL STARES FROM YOUR MOTHER EVERYDAY! I KNOW SHE HATES ME! SHE TORMENTS ME WITH HORRIBLE WORDS EVERYDAY! SHE REMINDS ME THAT THIS IS NOT MY HOUSE ! I KNOW THIS ISNT MY HOUSE ! I KNOW I HAVE NO HOME! I KNOW I HAVE NO ONE!!!! HOW COULD YOU HAVE TURNED AROUND AND MADE ME LOOK SELFISH FOR SAYING THAT SHOULD SOMETHING HAPPEN TO YOU I WOULD HAVE NO ONE AND I WOULD BE ALONE AND I WOULD DIE WITH YOU... HW COULD YOU!!!! YOU TURNED MY LOVE INTO A SELF NEED OF MINE, YES I NEED YOU ! YOU'RE MY MOTHER FOR GOD DAMN SAKE! WHEN WILL YOU UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS?? WHEN WILL YOU ACCEPT ME FOR ME?? WHEN WILL YOU SEE IM NOT PERFECT BUT IM TRYING SO HARD TO BE !!!! MY BIRTHDAY IS NOT SPECIAL IT WILL NEVER BE! EVERY YEAR AS MY BIRTHDAY APPROACHES INSTEAD OF A CAKE I GET WORDS THAT HAUNT ME FORTHE REST OF THE YEAR, INSTEAD OF GIFTS I GET ABUSALS THAT LAST A LIFETIME IN MY MIND! I DO NOT FORGET THINGS EASILY, IT MAY APPEAR THAT I AM A HAPPY GO LUCK PERSON BUT I AM NOT! WHATEVER IS SAID TO ME REMAINS IN MY HEART FOREVER ! I TEND NOT TO REACT TO IT AFTRE 5 MINUTES BUT IT DOESNT MEAN IVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT ! EVERYDAY YOU REMIND ME A HARSH REALITY THAT IVE TAKEN YOUR HOUSE AWAY! I DONT NEED TO BE REMINDED ABOUT THAT! YOU ADD SALT TO MY UNHEALED WOUND EVERYDAY! I NEVER ONCE SAID I DID NOT WANT TO PICK PAPA UP! NEVER ONCE! I NEVER SAID THIS CAR WAS MINE EITHER! NOR HAVE I EVER GIVEN YOU A REASON TO TAKE A CAB FOR ANY OF UR APPOINMENTS! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT I FIND EXCUSES NOT TO TAKE YOU AND PAPA ANYWHERE ?!? YOU TOLD ME PETROL IS NOT WATER! SO U CANNOT AFFORD TO LET ME PICK PAPA UP FROM SHOP! I OFFERED TO PICK HIM UP FROM THE BUS STOP BUT U TOLD ME I WOUDNT KNOW WHERE HE GETS DOWN AND WHT TIME HE GETS DOWN! SO HOW IN THE WORLD CAN YOU HOLD ME RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!?!?!?! HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME TO THIS EXTEND ?!? HOW DARE YOU MOTHER CALL ME A BARKING BITCH RIGHT ON MY FACE!!!! I HATE YOUR MOTHER AND SHOULD A DAY COME THAT SHE LIFTS HER HAND ON ME , DONT BE SURPRISED OF WHAT SHE MAY RECEIVE IN RETURN! IVE TOLERATED HER ABUSE AND SARASTIC REMARKS TOWARDS ME FOR 60 DAYS! 60 TORTURES DAYS!

Monday, May 1

A peek at my past , an Understanding of my Present.. with no clue of the Future.

In a week , the number 24 that has been asscoiated with me for the last 365 days will bid farewell; ushering in a new number to mark its presence allowing me to realize that I am now a year older. As the days past my subconscious mind will go back to a past; one that has haunted me since the tender age of 13.

Years have passed since then but the questions that have been imprinted in my heart and soul is yet to be answered. I understand that the beginning of my life will always remain a question mark, an unsolved puzzle... however should the chance ever be given; I would first like to thank her.. and then ask her the question that has kept me awake for most nights of my life "WHY".

Thank her for giving me away; thank her for allowing me to grow in an environment where I was the apple of two decent human's eye, thank her for giving them hope; a hope that I would at one point in my life repay them for their kind gesture of giving me a name; and not to be abandoned in an orphange without a name nor identity.

Then the question of WHY; Why hadnt she used protection? Why couldnt she have been more carefull? Why did she consume medication which consiquences I today bare.

I held no grudge nor anger againts her; I could never . She allowed me to grow in a family that needed me. They gave me love, holding me close to their heart, singing me to sleep while shoo'in my tears. They replaced the fear with laughter, they stayed up nights when I was down a fever. They cheered for my suceess and prayed I'd never fail. They gave me so much hope and took away all my pain.

For years I took advantage of all of the gifts; not realizing for even abit the sacrifises that's been made. I realized perhaps a little too late; when there was nothing I could do to safe.A home that had once been theirs was sacrifised to see me pass, to them I owe my entire life. Unsure of what is to be. I pray the courage in me, continues till one day I be; the dreams in which they've seen me grow, to be sucessfull on my own.

Seven days away from the day I was conceived; I have people to thank who I may never see. All of you played an important role for which I will be forever greatfull for. Allowing me to live and fullfill their dreams. I no longer hold a grudge againts anyone, even you who I've cursed all my life. Today I understand that this was my destiny; you were just a medium through which I came to be. I know that somewhere in this Universe, you must think of me; thou you have your own family.

Life has been good to plain old me; for I have in many ways transformed into the new me. Series of events that have taken place over the years; allowed me to let go of my past. A future of which I am not certain of, I leave it to HIM for; HE knows it all.