Monday, May 1

A peek at my past , an Understanding of my Present.. with no clue of the Future.

In a week , the number 24 that has been asscoiated with me for the last 365 days will bid farewell; ushering in a new number to mark its presence allowing me to realize that I am now a year older. As the days past my subconscious mind will go back to a past; one that has haunted me since the tender age of 13.

Years have passed since then but the questions that have been imprinted in my heart and soul is yet to be answered. I understand that the beginning of my life will always remain a question mark, an unsolved puzzle... however should the chance ever be given; I would first like to thank her.. and then ask her the question that has kept me awake for most nights of my life "WHY".

Thank her for giving me away; thank her for allowing me to grow in an environment where I was the apple of two decent human's eye, thank her for giving them hope; a hope that I would at one point in my life repay them for their kind gesture of giving me a name; and not to be abandoned in an orphange without a name nor identity.

Then the question of WHY; Why hadnt she used protection? Why couldnt she have been more carefull? Why did she consume medication which consiquences I today bare.

I held no grudge nor anger againts her; I could never . She allowed me to grow in a family that needed me. They gave me love, holding me close to their heart, singing me to sleep while shoo'in my tears. They replaced the fear with laughter, they stayed up nights when I was down a fever. They cheered for my suceess and prayed I'd never fail. They gave me so much hope and took away all my pain.

For years I took advantage of all of the gifts; not realizing for even abit the sacrifises that's been made. I realized perhaps a little too late; when there was nothing I could do to safe.A home that had once been theirs was sacrifised to see me pass, to them I owe my entire life. Unsure of what is to be. I pray the courage in me, continues till one day I be; the dreams in which they've seen me grow, to be sucessfull on my own.

Seven days away from the day I was conceived; I have people to thank who I may never see. All of you played an important role for which I will be forever greatfull for. Allowing me to live and fullfill their dreams. I no longer hold a grudge againts anyone, even you who I've cursed all my life. Today I understand that this was my destiny; you were just a medium through which I came to be. I know that somewhere in this Universe, you must think of me; thou you have your own family.

Life has been good to plain old me; for I have in many ways transformed into the new me. Series of events that have taken place over the years; allowed me to let go of my past. A future of which I am not certain of, I leave it to HIM for; HE knows it all.

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